My Lord, I’m a Woman in Disguise

Originally titled The Lazy Phoenix Rules the World A side story from the Lazy People series: As a king, you command the world, smile as you embrace beauties, and have three thousand concubines in your harem, all devoted to one person. What a life of luxury! But what if this king is a woman through and through, both inside and out, and a straight woman at that? When beauties throw themselves into her arms, all she can do is suffer in silence… I, the most notorious lecher in recorded history, have no preference for gender and make no exceptions for age. My debauchery knows no bounds, and the pressure on me is immense! Because I keep trying to live up to this reputation, but I have neither the right time, nor the right place, nor the right people on my side. I remember once stealing a couple of glances at a newly appointed filial and incorruptible scholar in court. He promptly banged his head against a pillar and cried that he would defend his virtue to the death… Alas, my talent is too refined for the masses, and it’s lonely at the top! Fortunately, there’s one beauty who listens to my complaints and understands my heart. I’m a little relieved; at least I have a sister who understands me. But one day, my kindred spirit suddenly told me she wanted to be my empress. I could no longer keep calm. I do have standards, you know. I absolutely refuse to get involved with women! But can someone tell me why my kindred spirit’s chest is flatter than mine, and where that cucumber underneath came from? And you, the one wearing the iron mask… Hey, yes, you. Stop looking around. I mean you. Mind lending me your seed? Hmm? You won’t? Fine! Close the gates and send Dongxi in! Huh? Why does this handsome man look so familiar? Ah! He’s my cousin! But close relatives fooling around is a bad idea. The next generation could be brain-damaged! Hey, hey, hey! Isn’t that my second sister’s husband? Uh… could you stop leaning on me? Just because your wife likes women doesn’t mean her younger brother likes men! Hey, hey! Sir, we don’t know each other. Could you please stop getting so close? I’m not a man who likes men! What? You don’t care whether I’m into men, you still want to be on top?! Hey! If anyone’s going to be a beast, it won’t be you. I’m the king of beasts! In short, this is a story of a fake man and a bunch of real men loving and fighting each other. It contains family affection, friendship, romance, steamy affairs, gay romance… This story is meant to be funny, but I can’t promise it won’t get angsty. Life is about finding joy in hardship and hardship in joy. The dynasty here is the same one as in The Lazy Consort, and the story takes place at the beginning of the Great Eastern Dynasty. Luo’s group: 152904369. Password: the book title or a character’s name. Recommended read: http://read.xxsy.net/info/390213.html Xia Xiao’s The Princess Captures Her Husband