Lan Bo, I'm Human. The Thing on My Head Is a Bugles Corn Chip

[The bonus chapter featuring Verlaine is currently updating in the neighboring novel, “Does Growing Up Mean Not Relying on Big Brother Verlaine?”]

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☆ Blurb:

One day, on her way home, Su Yu was stopped by a weasel spirit seeking a heavenly title.

Su Yu, a hopeless romantic: You look like someone who has a civil-service job, is gorgeous, gentle, rich, responsible, and talented, and could be my lover.

Su Yu: Oh, and you can’t be a mama’s boy. You have to hand over your entire paycheck.

The weasel spirit flew into a rage and punished Su Yu by sending her into another world called Bungo Stray Dogs.

The good news: Su Yu gained a portion of the weasel spirit’s power to protect herself, and she only had to complete one human-skin title-seeking ritual to go home.

The bad news: She started out in a research institute, turned into a furry, and nobody believed she was human.

You weasel! Su Yu was just running her mouth! You didn’t have to take it this far!!!

*

Her quest for a title was off to a rough start, so Su Yu decided to build a career in this other world first.

That day, Yokohama, a city overrun with demons, welcomed its strictest father.

Early Su Yu: A research institute that experiments on people? I’ll take it! A green-eyed executive named Rimbaud? I’ll take him! The Port Mafia? I’ll take them! All the other big and small mafia organizations? I’ll take them! Researcher N, what are you doing? Did you beat everyone up and forget to beat him up too?! I’ll give you two slaps, then put you in the Gallery of Life and Death to savor it at your leisure!!!

Middle Su Yu: Haha! What a blast! I’ll take all the lands as far as the eye can see, and do whatever I please...

Late Su Yu: I... can’t... swallow any more territory...

Everyone in Yokohama: Then stop swallowing it!

Everyone in Yokohama: Come to think of it, why did you take Executive Rimbaud too? Sure, he’s in the mafia, but wasn’t he forced into it by that evil furry...? These two are having way too much fun killing people together!!!

Everyone in Yokohama: We’ll report these two lawless monsters to the authorities... How did the phone call to the Special Division for Unusual Powers end up in Su Yu’s hands?!

Everyone in Yokohama: We’ll take this to the United Nations! We’ll report them to the United Nations!

Years later, everyone from Yokohama in prison: We give up... Just let us out. Sigh, we regret what we did back then... but it’s too late!

*

Su Yu looked so much like a furry that her quest for a title was one setback after another.

But Su Yu didn’t think it was a big deal.

She was definitely human, so she could live however she liked here, date her French lover however she liked, and when she wanted to go home, she could just grab a few people and ask whether she looked human. If they said yes, she could go home right away.

And then

After 18 years of life, Su Yu suddenly learned she wasn’t human.

Su Yu could be an artificial weapon, a messenger of the gods, or a free little bird... just not a human.

What upset Su Yu most was her lover.

He said, “Darling, you’re human.”

But Su Yu still hadn’t managed to go home! Her human-skin title-seeking ritual had failed again, damn it!

Bonus scene:

Much later, Rimbaud finally understood what Su Yu meant whenever she asked, “Do I look human to you?”

Rimbaud, tenderly: You look like the kind of lover who’ll stay with me forever, and even if you leave for a little while, I’ll break your legs and bring you back.

Su Yu: Haha, Arthur, you’re joking, right?

Su Yu, horrified: Honey, say something! You’re joking, right!

1. Bottom, Rimbaud pairing.

2. Updates at 9 p.m. Anti-theft rate: 50%.

3. Author’s notes include update announcements and all kinds of bonus scenes. Please, please don’t mute me 🥺

4. There are lots of completed danmei fanfics in my author’s collection. If you like my writing, take a look!

Theme: Face every challenge with courage