After All My Love Rivals Fell for Me, the Cannon Fodder Faked His Death and Ran

Mindless | Soap Opera Drama | Faking His Death | Men Fighting Over One Man | A Love-Triangle Battleground | The Crematorium | A Beloved by All A weird-behaving gong because his brain is broken & a deadpan, sarcastic shou because he’s unlucky every day Yang Wei, male, 23, an orphan. Not long after starting his job, he was hit by his boss’s son’s Rolls-Royce Phantom and saw actual phantoms. When he woke up in the hospital, he was hit with a double whammy: First, he was a bit player in a danmei novel with a shou who attracted every man. The novel had everything: clingy puppy-like boys, aloof doctors, yandere juniors, top-tier actors, domineering CEOs. Forbidden affairs, brothers turning against each other, forced confinement, drugging, role-play: it had the whole lot. Of course, none of that had anything to do with a bit player like him. Except! The protagonist shou was his childhood sweetheart, the wife he’d grown up with! Second, he had brain cancer and only three months to live. Before long, his wife would meet the men from the novel one by one and act out a series of scenes too explicit to air. Especially Ji Chang, the man who hit him. While Yang Wei was unwell and sleeping, he’d pull the “You wouldn’t want your husband to lose his job, would you?” act. What a shameless bastard! Yang Wei was so angry he laughed. Fine, the author could write such depraved scenes, but couldn’t they at least put some thought into the names? Did they have any idea how much childhood trauma those stupid names had caused him? His name was “Yang Wei,” and this bastard’s name was “Ji Chang”?! … It was a man’s responsibility, and his wife’s safety was at stake. Yang Wei began his mission to defend his wife from infidelity. Before he died, no one was laying a finger on his wife! But as he put his plan into action, the plot started going off the rails. Why were all the novel’s scenes happening to him instead? “Big brother… will you teach me?” “Relax, I’m just giving you a checkup.” “Don’t even think about running. You’re my most perfect creation.” “There are paparazzi outside… Go ahead and scream if you dare.” Later, every last one of them claimed to love him. The innocent puppy-boy slapped himself for him, the yandere junior wept buckets for him, the top-tier star banged his head against the wall for him, and the aloof doctor bled profusely for him… Looking at the short skirt on his body, the collar around his neck, the needle marks on his arm, the chain around his ankle, and the group of men in front of him, Yang Wei slowly formed a question mark. What the heck! Why was his wife standing among them too? …Forget it. Let them do whatever they wanted. He wasn’t going to live much longer anyway. A little scene with the real gong ^_^: Yang Wei: There’s something wrong with your brain. Ji Chang (holding an orange): What a coincidence, there’s something wrong with your brain too. We’re clearly made for each other! Yang Wei: I’m the one on top. Ji Chang (peeling the orange): What a coincidence, I’m the one on top too. We’re clearly made for each other. Ji Chang (offering him the orange): Want a navel orange? It’s really sweet. Yang Wei: ??? Author, can you really get this stuff past the censors? P.S.: 1. Yang Wei has a rather complicated personality. He isn’t as good-tempered as he seems at first, and he doesn’t actually love his original wife. 2. Ji Chang is the real gong, and his behavior is unpredictable. 3. Everyone’s got issues. 4. Everyone is sexually inexperienced. 5. I drew the cover myself. It’s a little rough, but Xiao Yang is actually very handsome. 6. The asterisks in the blurb are because the original wording kept getting rejected by the censors. Replacing words with asterisks is the author’s last act of defiance. 7. I’m letting loose here. My writing isn’t great and it’s full of bad jokes, so it might be cringey. Please set your brain aside before reading. The most important thing is to enjoy yourself. [Blurb for an upcoming novel] A cool, benevolent-seeming, unhinged righteous-path gong & an unapologetically wicked shou who can take on the world (two villains) 1. Mo Qi, the newly risen Demon Lord of the Three Realms, a living Yama who crawled out of a sea of blood and mountain of corpses. His peerless beauty is a death warrant; his boundless cultivation, a blade that can slay immortals. The world fears him like a venomous snake, waiting for him to think the word and wash the Eight Wastelands in blood. Then, just as he raised his blade, Mo Qi’s cultivation mysteriously dropped to zero, and a strange voice appeared in his head. [Ding! The Positive Energy System is at your service! Want your power back? Start by being a good person!] Mo Qi: ╭(°A°`)╮!! What is this “positive something” supposed to mean? Do you even know what a villain is? With his cultivation gone, surrounded by wolves, the demons who once knelt now bared their teeth in the shadows, while the self-proclaimed righteous sects watched him hungrily. If he wanted to survive, Mo Qi had no choice but to play along and follow the stupid System’s demands. From then on, the maddest demon in the land began doing good deeds and building up merit. Whenever trouble arose, he’d start by delivering a long lecture on benevolence and morality, quoting classical texts. Once everyone was thoroughly bewildered, he’d throw back his head, laugh three times, and start exploiting them without restraint. A rumor spread through the cultivation world: They’d lost a villain, but gained a lunatic! Aaaaaah! 2. Xu Feng rescued a young man with no cultivation from a den of demons. He had just slaughtered every demon in a cave and was about to leave when he spotted a flash of white in a corner amid the mountain of corpses and sea of blood. The boy’s eyes were clear and bright, filled with fear and confusion. So Xu Feng took him with him and taught him benevolence, morality, and the proper conduct of a gentleman… Until one day, he saw the boy reciting the righteous principles he had taught him while committing wanton evil, laughing boldly, with undisguised arrogance and contempt. He was nothing like the person he seemed in everyday life. Theme: My fate is mine to decide, not Heaven’s! (shouting)