I Picked Up an Old Antique

Shi Zai picked up an old artifact, a terracotta figurine, and spent every night holding it and playing with it. But two months later, the artifact turned into a human, and a very handsome one at that.

He wasn’t frightened. He was thrilled at the prospect of playing with a real man.

Who knew this 197-centimeter hunk would be so old-fashioned and shy? One careless glance made him angry, and one touch sent him into a sulk. Don’t even get him started on hugs and kisses... He really was an old relic through and through.

And later?

Later, the hunk became Shi Zai’s husband and even helped him have a baby.

Oh, and he can take care of his wife while soothing the baby, too.

Shu Yangkuo: “My wife is just too much.”

Shi Zai: “You’re the stingy one! ╰_╯” (starts getting handsy)

***Reading guide:

[1] This book is also known as How to Tease an Old Relic.

[2] Reserved ancient-artifact seme [ancient] x horny, straightforward uke [modern]

[3] Older man, size difference, sweet romance, pregnancy and childbirth

[4] Uke: Shi Zai; seme: Shu Yangkuo. Both are sexually inexperienced.

[5] Pregnancy details: The uke is pregnant for two months; the seme is pregnant for seven months through embryo transfer. The seme’s pregnancy isn’t for shock value. He does it to protect his wife’s health and career, because he adores him. C-section. Pregnancy and childcare take up 61% of the story.

[Pregnancy Extra]

The tall man stands with his shirt casually open. He is still imposing as a mountain, with broad shoulders, hard muscles, and long, strong legs. The moment he looks at Shi Zai, his fierce, icy expression softens. But, strangely, beneath his open shirt... is a rounded belly! It really is a pregnant belly!

The man walks toward him step by step until he is right in front of him. Shi Zai looks up at him from below. Even his pregnant belly looks imposing.

Shi Zai lifts his face to look at Shu Yangkuo, once an old relic and now his husband. He swallows and places a hand on the man’s belly.

“Honey, your belly... is there a baby inside?”

“Yes.”

As he answers in a low voice, Shu Yangkuo suddenly lifts Shi Zai onto his lap. Shi Zai’s lower leg brushes against the man’s belly, as big as a little hill, making him shiver. Shu Yangkuo chuckles softly, takes his beloved’s hand, and presses it against his belly along with his own. Thump, thump. The life beneath their hands pulses with vigor, as vibrant as their heartbeats.

[Pregnancy Extra]

The height of summer blazes. In the afternoon, only the cicadas cry out again and again, while even the clouds lazily doze. After finishing his chores in the yard, Shi Zai tiptoes into the bedroom. His husband is asleep, and with his hugely rounded pregnant belly, the man looks even more like a mountain.

It’s hot, so Shu Yangkuo is bare-chested, still muscular and strong. His belly rises and falls with each breath, and the baby inside occasionally kicks wildly.

A little red mole on the left side of his belly is pushed up by the baby. Shi Zai leans over and touches it with a finger. The baby even presses back against him. It’s so cute.

Shu Yangkuo opens his eyes. One little rascal is inside his belly, and another is in his arms. He chuckles.

“You little troublemaker.”

He brushes aside the wandering little hand, his breathing growing heavier. He gets up, supporting his belly with one hand and gripping Shi Zai’s slender waist with the other as he sets about having his way with him.

[Extra: Keeping the Baby Asleep]

The long night should have lasted until dawn.

But before midnight, the baby in the crib starts whimpering. Shu Yangkuo closes his eyes, about to soothe the little one first, but his wife clings to him and won’t let go... There’s no helping it. Shu Yangkuo steels himself, reaches out his long arm, and gently pats his utterly clueless son. As for the wife deliberately teasing him, he can’t leave him out, either, and takes extra care of him.

Soothing the baby while taking care of his wife.

Shu Yangkuo doesn’t look at either of them. He thinks expressionlessly that he’ll just have to split himself in two for a while, or he’ll lose his nerve.

His lover melts into his arms again, completely relaxed. Shu Yangkuo covers his belly and lets his wife sleep first. Then he pulls on his pants with one hand, bends over beside the crib, and continues soothing the baby. Wangwang has been fussing for quite a while tonight. Shu Yangkuo gently pats him now and then, sometimes soothing him with two fingers on his little belly, until the child drifts off to sleep again.

[Big Brother Extra]

His voice is genuinely embarrassing, but as long as he isn’t embarrassed, everyone else will be. Heh.

But halfway through dinner, Wangwang pats the table in his high chair and suddenly says:

“Dah, dah...”

All four adults freeze.

The little one looks up and giggles. Seeing everyone’s reaction makes him even more excited. He bangs his little fists on the table. This is so much fun! His dad, whom he hasn’t seen all day, hasn’t changed much, but Papa is a little different. How interesting! He bounces up, gets the adults’ attention, then says “dah” twice more in a deliberately high, hoarse voice, watching their expressions as he imitates them.

The four of them exchange glances. This time, they all understand, and burst into laughter. Even Shu Yangkuo chuckles softly.

The little one is imitating Papa’s hoarse voice as he says “Ge” and “Big Brother.”

Shi Zai unusually blushes. Shu Yangkuo lowers his head and laughs again, then quickly holds it in and pulls him close.

“Don’t be upset, honey. The little rascal’s just trying to make you laugh.”

“...I’m already laughing enough, okay?!”

As soon as he finishes speaking, Wangwang waves a little fist and says “okay” in a tiny, hoarse voice. Everyone bursts out laughing again.

Shi Zai can’t hold back anymore and joins in, laughing out loud. Little rascal! Why did you have to learn that? He glares at the man. What were you teaching him at home all day? Shu Yangkuo smiles and coaxes him. “I told you, Ge, Wangwang’s just starting to talk. You have to watch what you say...” Shi Zai tugs his ear. “How am I supposed to control that?! Is it my fault?!”

[Second Baby Extra]

Meanwhile, in the next room, where everyone sleeps together on a large bed...

Wangwang wakes up needing to pee. Still half asleep, he sits up and stares blankly for a moment, then hears a puppy whimpering. Is that Qiaoqiao? No, it can’t be. His little uncle took Qiaoqiao away, and he still hasn’t come back. Wangwang yawns, then suddenly jolts. Where are Papa and Dad?

He tries to stand but loses his balance and plops back down, waking his little brother. Wangwang quickly climbs over and strokes the little boy’s face.

“Zhaozhao, don’t be scared. Big Brother’s here.”

“Papa...”

“Papa and Dad might be working late. Let’s go back to sleep... Oh, you can come with Big Brother to pee first.”

“Qiaoqiao...”

So his little brother hears the dog, too. Wangwang is suddenly even more scared. He takes his brother’s hand and they head to the bathroom, but the dog’s cries grow clearer and clearer, like someone is choking it.

Suddenly, another voice says, “Honey.”

All right, mystery solved. Wangwang pats his little chest, immediately turning brave. He looks at his brother’s tense little face and says:

“It’s Papa and Dad.”

“Papa and Dad, what are they doing?”

“...”

Are they playing puppy? Wangwang scratches his head. Seeing light under the door of the next room, he takes his brother’s hand.

“Zhaozhao, let’s go find Papa and Dad and play with them.”

Theme: Make up for the past, heal one another, and record a new beginning.