Furuya, Open Up! It's Celery

[Third-person narration, absurd comedy]

My name is Xi Qincai Caizi. I used to be a plant, and now I'm a vegetable.

A plant that became a person after gaining sentience.

According to the Vegetable Spirit Cultivation System, all I have to do is bond with a mortal who has an affinity for vegetables and somehow raise their happiness to 100. Then I'll have earned enough merit to achieve immortality.

Once I bond with someone, I can't change my choice, but before I make it final, I get three trial runs.

The first time, my destined person was a corporate drone with glasses and very weird eyebrows. I searched online for "What are the perks of being a corporate drone?" and followed the advice of the most successful people on the internet, giving him a 996 work schedule. But, strangely, his happiness went down instead of up, and I lost one merit point.

The second time, my destined person was a muscular man in sunglasses. I heard him wish, "I hope I can find all the rats in the organization and help Big Brother get rid of them." So I spent the whole night catching every rat in their base and piled them all in his big brother's room. I never expected his happiness to drop even faster than the corporate drone's, while my merit points went down by one, one, one.

The third time, my destined person was a blond, dark-skinned young man.

After two consecutive failures, I decided to shell out a fortune for the [Wish Capture] feature, so I could uncover his deepest wishes and target my efforts accordingly.

[I hope the coffee shop closes early tomorrow. (Happiness +1)]

Easy peasy! Consider it done!

[I hope Haro can lose weight. (Happiness +3)]

No problem! Consider it done!

[I hope the country prospers and the people live in peace, and that the world is at peace. (Happiness +50)]

W-Wait a second. These wishes are on a completely different level from the first two, both in tone and in points!

[I hope I can drive Aihubi Ai out of my country. (Happiness +50)]

Huh? Who's driving him out? Me?

[I hope Hiro and the others can come back to life and the five of us can reunite. (Happiness +90)]

Hey, hey! Listen to yourself. Is that something a vegetable can do?!!

Looks like I have no choice but to use that trick...

"So, Miss Caicaizi, what you're saying is, "

The blond public security officer took a handful of seeds and looked at the strange girl who had moved in next door not long ago, struggling to keep his smile in place.

"If I plant one of your seeds in the spring, a gourd will grow, and four gourd brothers will jump out of it in autumn?"

[Reading Tips]

1. Absurd comedy slice-of-life. OOC for everyone. Best enjoyed with your brain switched off.

2. The story begins in Conan Year One and draws on many elements from The Culprit Hanzawa and Zero's Tea Time. The setting may differ greatly from the main storyline, so please treat this as a parallel world.

3. Blurb archived on 2025.7.3. Thanks for following, sending you love~

Theme: Show some love to flowers and plants, and good things might happen!