What Should I Do? My Owner Likes Me Too Much

[I haven't found much inspiration yet... Hibari-senpai is a little hard to get a handle on (rubbing hands)]

Saionji Satou, ability: "I'm a Pigeon."

A light-novel author determined to leave every story unfinished and become a god of missed deadlines.

Her dream: Find a one-in-a-million sucker to "keep" her, and live like a freeloader, never having to write a word and only needing to open her mouth.

Her motto: If you can be a couch potato, be a couch potato. If you can slack off, don't even go swimming.

Satou (self-righteous): Who would want to spend all day, every day meeting deadlines? Once I find someone to keep me, I'll have money and meals covered. Writing? Not a chance!

To achieve this goal, Satou works "hard" every day...

Sk it one:

Dazai Osamu (looking utterly sincere): Little Satou, I promise! Chuya is exactly the keeper of your dreams! He's rich, kind, and always meddling in other people's business. He's the perfect sucker sent by the heavens!

Satou (her radar suddenly activating): ...A sucker?

A few days later...

In Yokohama, Nakahara Chuuya was holding a glass of red wine. "Haaaah...! Damn it, Dazai must be badmouthing me behind my back again!"

He glanced down at the bill and suddenly felt uneasy. "Wait, why has the pigeon feed bill gotten so high lately...?"

Satou (flapping her arms): See? Someone's feeding and housing me, and I haven't even done anything! That's the ideal life for a pigeon!

Sk it two:

Tenth-generation boss Sawada Tsunayoshi (watching Satou worriedly): Keeper... Satou, you still haven't given up on this plan? I've told you, you can't really think of yourself as a pigeon...

Satou (correcting him solemnly): Who says I'm not a pigeon? I have an ability, so even my bloodline is pigeon!

Tsunayoshi sighed and thought seriously. "Someone who likes animals... How about Hibari-senpai? He's famous for being good with birds."

Satou's eyes lit up. "An experienced keeper! And... he already has a bird, so I can find a coworker to share the work!"

Meanwhile...

In the disciplinary committee foundation's office, Hibari Kyoya looked up at the pigeon perched on the railing outside and narrowed his eyes. "There's one more...?"

After careful screening, Satou flapped a wing and declared: One bird, two households. Eat in Yokohama, then eat at the disciplinary committee. Life is beautiful, freeloading is delightful!

Satou (defiantly): Who says I can't? I'm a pigeon. Pigeons are supposed to live a little more innocently! (shouting)

-

*It never said I couldn't eat at two households.

*The pairing will be either Chuuya or Hibari.

Theme: Healthy living