Cosplaying My Fanon Dazai, Only to End Up in the Wrong Show

Includes original characters and an original plot.

The synopsis and first chapter are in first person; the rest of the story is in third person.

There may be one-sided affection (not sure if it'll be obvious), and conspiracy theories (though I'm not sure I can write them well).

Detective Conan and Bungo Stray Dogs, with Detective Conan as the main focus.

This Dazai has a lot of headcanons (maybe).

The story is roughly half and half (in terms of perspective in the early chapters).

How smart the characters are depends on how smart the author is (on my knees).

I've thought of a really, really good way to cosplay.

A perfect recreation.

I'm not tall enough (crying JPG), so I'll just make it an alternate-universe version.

Here's the plan!

I'll cosplay my favorite, Dazai Osamu! I'll act out what Boss Dazai does! And I'll make sure my headcanons are in order (raised eyebrow JPG).

*

Through the Book, the Dazai Osamu of the IF timeline saw Boss Dazai from the BEAST timeline, as well as all the Dazais from every other world. He saw the friendship of the [Buraiha], and glimpsed what might be the deepest need in his heart.

Maybe he shouldn't be Dazai Osamu, he thought.

He was like an accident in the world. He wasn't clever, he felt no attachment to the world, had no reason or desire to live, and had nothing at all.

He wasn't a real Dazai Osamu, he thought.

But there was always a voice by his ear, repeating over and over: You must learn to become a [Dazai Osamu].

So, while he was still confused and naive, he watched the other world's Dazais as described to him by the Book. He obeyed that voice, watching these [Dazai Osamus] again and again, learning from the Dazais of other worlds. He had to learn how to become a [Dazai Osamu].

At last, the voice fell silent, and the Book became the book that Dazai Osamu in the [Main World] often read: The Complete Manual of Suicide.

He knew it was [Dazai Osamu]'s favorite book.

But he also knew that Dazai Osamu in the [Main World] read it because it offered [suicide] as a way to temporarily relax, and to remember Oda Sakunosuke, remember the [Buraiha], and remember their time at the Lupin bar.

He knew that Dazai Osamu in the [Main World] was the foundation for all the other [Dazais]. Though they seemed different, and each had subtle differences due to their thoughts, education, experiences, and so on, there was no doubt that they were all [Dazai Osamu]. They were the Dazai who would help people because of a friend's dying wish, the Dazai who seemed to have let everything go in the future.

But he was different.

He was only imitating the Boss Dazai whom the [World Consciousness] mourned.

Boss Dazai was the only Dazai in all the timelines whose Oda Sakunosuke survived, and the only Dazai in all the timelines who truly embraced the arms of the goddess of death.

He imitated [Dazai Osamu], imitated Boss Dazai, but he didn't ruin his relationship with Oda Sakunosuke. As for Nakahara Chuuya, he didn't taunt him with sarcasm the way [Dazai Osamu] did. He let Nakajima Atsushi, Akutagawa Gin, and Izumi Kyoka make their own choices. Mori Ogai never became the boss like the other Mori Ogais; he remained the boss's doctor. He also let Ozaki Kouyou choose whether to stay or leave. As for the former boss's cruelty, he was too young at the time, the Tsushima family kept a strict watch over him, and besides, he wasn't [Dazai Osamu], so he was powerless to do anything.

Still, they all chose to stay.

Because of the Tsushima family's upbringing, he was gentle and kind. Faced with the words at his ear, which sounded like a curse, he was obedient. As for the Port Mafia, he was the organization's puppet.

Though he kept saying he wasn't [Dazai Osamu], perhaps he had been one all along. He just didn't look the part.

He was a [Dazai Osamu] who didn't seem like [Dazai Osamu].

He had [Dazai Osamu]'s memories: false memories, memories he hadn't experienced himself, memories stolen from someone else. He had [Dazai Osamu]'s intelligence, along with an obedience and gentleness that didn't belong to [Dazai Osamu].

He was [Dazai Osamu], he thought. Maybe.

As for his ending, he obeyed the voice when it appeared one last time: Go. Disappear in the place that created "you."

So he wrote his will. He handed the dragon of this dark night over to the doctor, following the [Main World]. He sent Akutagawa Gin's new home to the Armed Detective Agency, returned Nakajima Atsushi and Izumi Kyoka to the Armed Detective Agency, promoted other capable people and returned them to Mori Ogai, and gave Nakahara Chuuya the things [Dazai Osamu] had destroyed...

Then he placed the red scarf that represented the Port Mafia on his desk and slowly made his way to the roof of the Port Mafia building.

He followed Boss Dazai's example. With his back to the city, the voice whispering heavily in his ear, and the sunset bathing everything in color, he lay down.

The wind sounded so sweet. Dazai Osamu's soul left his body, and under the pull of gravity, his soul watched his body. They drifted farther and farther apart until his body hit the ground, its vivid red painting the scene with the most beautiful color.

This Dazai Osamu, born into the Tsushima family, who became the Port Mafia boss at fifteen and stepped down before he turned sixteen, was free and his own person at last, after being controlled in countless ways.

*

I excitedly sorted through the wig beside me.

I'd planned it ages ago. I'd planned it ages ago.

I even commissioned an artist who draws in the Bungo Stray Dogs style, to go with my excellent IF storyline.

I'm so excited my heart's beating irregularly!!!

I'm sorry to everyone at the convention, but this is my lifelong dream! Please! I even saved up especially to see a therapist!

PS: Dazai at fifteen is 155 cm, at sixteen he's 174 cm (source: Baidu).

PPS: After finishing, I realized the synopsis is so long and has nothing to do with the title (looks away).

PPPS: Why does it get banned every time I edit it?

Theme: Open ending