The Heavenly Dao's Guide to Modern Cultivation

Kun Xi is a model young man, born in the new century and raised under the red flag. He has just graduated and is already facing the prospect of graduating straight into unemployment when he meets a mysterious young man.

The young man says to him, "Hey, kid, want to cultivate immortality?"

Kun Xi: ?

The young man: "The immortal path has fallen apart over the years. You're one of the few people I've met with spiritual roots!"

Kun Xi: ??

The young man, anguished: "If the Heavenly Dao and the True Immortals hadn't led the way by getting together back then, the cultivation world wouldn't have ended up like this!"

Kun Xi: ???

His hand hovers indecisively between 110 and 120 as he wonders whether to call the police or have a psychiatric hospital come take the guy away.

But the next second, the other man performs a trick with a purple-gold gourd and sucks Kun Xi into a mineral water bottle from Xufu Mountain Spring!

Kun Xi: Holy crap! This is real!

*

Kun Xi joins Changqing Sect, whose full name is Changqing Sect Biotech Co., Ltd., a state-owned enterprise.

You don't know what it's like until you get in. Then it blows your mind.

As soon as he enters Changqing Sect, Kun Xi discovers that its whole system of connections is ridiculously backward!

There's no detailed management system, leading to cultivators crashing into birds while flying on their swords and getting injured!

Catch a monster, demon, or ghost, and they lock it straight in prison!

There's no clear extradition policy for foreign demons and monsters!

All this leaves Kun Xi, who received a modern education, aghast!

We must integrate our limited path of cultivation with the development of a modern socialist society!

*

And so, Changqing Sect's rules become strict and clear.

Taoist A: "Did you fly today?"

Taoist B: "You wouldn't believe it. I'm grounded today!"

The prison system is complete.

Monster A: "What happened to the Wenlin captured a couple days ago, the monster that brings fierce winds wherever it appears?"

Monster B: "They sent it off for reform through labor. I hear it's working at a wind farm now!"

Their foreign affairs system is fully in place.

Vampire: "You're going to Huaguo?"

Werewolf: "Yeah."

Vampire: "Did you get your visa?"

Werewolf: ?

Vampire, scornful: "You haven't even gotten a visa, and you think you can go to Huaguo?"

Under Kun Xi's management, Changqing Sect flourishes. Then Yun Cheng, a fellow disciple he met upon joining the sect and got along with, says to him, "Hi, want to date?"

Kun Xi: "Thanks, but no thanks. I'm focused on my career, not romance."

Yun Cheng: "Heavenly Dao, wifey, we agreed in our last life that we'd be together in this one, too."

Kun Xi: ? Was I the one who got together with you in my last life and made the cultivation world wither away?!

Theme: Keep up with the times.