I Brought the Childbirth System to Start a Farm

Blurb:

On a night when she was on the verge of dying from overwork, Chu Pengmai was working overtime at her desk when a mechanical voice suddenly rang in her ear.

“Ding! Congratulations, Host, you’ve been bound to the Childbearing System! As long as you continue the bloodlines of important people in this world who have no children, you can escape the life of a corporate drone and reach the pinnacle of success! The more children you have, the more you earn!”

“We have painless childbirth pills, postpartum recovery pills… You can get them in the starter pack, which guarantees painless motherhood, greater beauty with every birth, and overnight riches!”

Chu Pengmai fell silent. How could such an evil System exist in this world?

And besides…

“I’m a man…”

The Childbearing System said proudly, “That doesn’t matter. Our Childbearing System has boundless powers. It can bless anyone with fertility, regardless of age, sex, or species!”

What a wonderful deal! Chu Pengmai was overjoyed. She immediately quit her job, intending to serve an important person… then went back to her hometown, leased a hundred mu of land, and started a farm.

The Childbearing System: ???

…

To get Chu Pengmai to have children, the System rewarded her with a fertility pill that turned one baby into two, and two into four. Each baby was worth ten million!

Chu Pengmai turned around and tossed it into a rice paddy. From then on, every stalk of Wuchang rice had twice as many ears and twice as many grains, quadrupling the yield. At just 2.5 yuan per jin, it sold like crazy online!

Chu Pengmai, now worth over a hundred million: “See? Isn’t this faster money than having kids?”

The Childbearing System: …

To make Chu Pengmai see the error of her ways, the System rewarded her with a Genius Baby Pill. “Genius babies have perfect genes and extraordinary intelligence. You’re guaranteed to marry into a wealthy family and rise to a higher social class!”

Perfect genes? Chu Pengmai turned around and fed it to a rescued green peafowl.

A few months later, she called the Forestry Bureau. “Director, that wild green peafowl I rescued last time laid twelve eggs, and every one of them hatched. I can’t afford to raise them all. Do you have any subsidies?”

The director’s eyes widened in shock. What? Green peafowl, with only a few hundred left in the wild! Twelve of them!!!

Chu Pengmai, who became a world treasure through rescuing endangered animals: “See? Isn’t that a bigger leap than marrying into a wealthy family?”

Reader’s Guide:

1. Both leads are each other’s only ones. The top is a former surgical big shot who has been turned into a veterinarian by the bottom, and is stoic and patient. The bottom is beautiful, has an unusual train of thought, is devoted to farming, and has procrastination at the terminal stage.

2. The protagonist does not have a baby! Does not have a baby! Does not have a baby! He’s still a baby himself (not really)!

3. Updates every night at nine. See you then. The author is in fragile health, but won’t abandon the story except due to circumstances beyond their control.

Here’s a notice for my upcoming story, I Went Viral Reviewing Funeral Supplies

Nian Ruixue stared at his increasingly haggard face in the mirror, feeling deeply troubled. Last night, his ghost husband had come to see him again for a passionate tryst. At this rate, he’d be drained dry sooner or later. Boo-hoo.

As a celebrity, he ought to have had enough popularity to hold back the yin energy’s corrosion. Unfortunately, he was an obscure, D-list nobody, and the industry had already blacklisted him…

If he couldn’t make it as a celebrity, then he’d just have to become an online influencer!

Nian Ruixue opened a livestream and gave it a catchy name: Live Funeral Supply Reviews!

“Hi, everyone! Today we’re reviewing the paper money that bloggers can’t stop recommending! Which brand is worth the most in the underworld? Stay tuned for our best-and-worst list.”

“Paper smartphone showdown! The blogger has spent a fortune on more than twenty paper smartphones. We’ll test live to see which ones stream without dropping the connection and which have the best selection of apps.”

Random viewers who stumbled in: What kind of lunatic is this???

As the viewers mocked him, more and more ghosts became Nian Ruixue’s supporters.

“Oh my, I bought the Rolls-Royce and paper chauffeur he recommended. I had the time of my life playing rich wife. His reviews are spot-on. Five stars!”

Nian Ruixue’s human supporters also multiplied at lightning speed.

“This is incredible. Six months ago, I dreamed that my grandpa said a ghost had taken over his grave, and asked me to burn him the paper lawyer team and Underworld Legal Code from the livestream. Recently I dreamed about my grandpa again… He said he’s about to win the case!”

Supported by both humans and ghosts, Nian Ruixue became an online sensation, dominating both the living and the dead!

Thanks to him, candle and incense makers in dire straits found a second wind in their careers; coffin shops on the verge of closing came back to life; and the gloomy Underworld…

One netizen cursed him out: “An obscure D-list nobody who couldn’t make it in show business, doing bizarre livestreams. All he knows how to do is stir up controversy and grab attention!”

That night, the netizen was brutally beaten by eighteen generations of their ancestors. The next day, they swallowed their pride, made a new account, and bought some paper thermal underwear.

Online buzz: How many paid viewers has Nian Ruixue bought for his livestream? It’s like a whole army of ghost soldiers has crossed over!

Looking at the ghosts, who made up more than half the livestream audience, Nian Ruixue answered honestly: “Thanks for asking. I didn’t buy any paid viewers, but most of them are probably ghost soldiers.”

Theme: Escape city life and return to the countryside, because life is a wilderness!