Even the Soothsayer Can't Beat the Bandage Freak

[Blurb to be added or revised later; the premise stays the same]

*

Yan Du was rescued just as she was about to starve to death.

Just like in some cliché romance, she fell in love with her savior at first sight.

For the person she had a crush on, she generously offered a free fortune-telling session. Her prediction: "Although you'll suffer plenty of major disasters and minor illnesses, you'll live to be a hundred."

And then...

Then her savior pressed the muzzle of his gun against her forehead.

"If you don't want to die, get lost."

"I'm so touched~" Yan Du said, her eyes brimming with tears as she made a heart with her hands. "You're afraid I'll get sick if I stay out in the rain too long, so you're being all stern and telling me to go home."

"..."

"You're so nice. I'll go home with you right now."

The next second, a gunshot rang out.

Oh no, his gun really had bullets!

*

The Port Mafia members often chatted about the madwoman who was relentlessly pursuing Executive Dazai.

The reason was simple: this brave soul came up with all sorts of ways to chase after him.

Even after being coldly rejected by the person she was pursuing for a whole year, she remained just as passionate.

So they affectionately called the girl Executive Dazai's doormat.

"Poor thing?!" Chuuya looked perplexed. "No... isn't that how you'd describe Dazai?"

The bandaged executive smiled. "That's right. A dog that bites. Want one?"

Every day, there was another incident of the doormat biting someone.

Yan Du did her best every day to sell herself:

"Osamu, I can read fortunes and tell fortunes. I can help you avoid bad luck and improve your fortune."

Dazai: "The bird droppings that fell from the sky yesterday, right into a filthy ditch... care to explain that?"

"...Uh, give me a moment to think of an excuse."

"Hmph."

Yan Du kept at it: "I can draw talismans and write spells to help you wipe out your enemies with ease. I can even make that lolicon have a whole day of bad luck!"

"Wow, that's amazing." Dazai's smile didn't reach his eyes. "So, which dog sold me out to Mr. Mori afterward?"

"Woof!"

"Hmph."

Yan Du sounded less than confident. "Everyone has little flaws. Like you, Osamu. I love everything about you, but you keep losing your wallet."

"Yeah, yeah." Dazai sounded tired. "That's because you never found any of the wallets I lost."

"Hehe, Osamu, you can donate unwanted wallets to people in need."

"Like you?"

"Exactly. And back home, the wife is in charge of all the money!"

Yan Du declared without the slightest shame, "It's true. Listen to your wife and you'll prosper."

"...Get out of my sight."

[2023.12.26]

Theme: Human determination can triumph over fate