Show-Off: Qianlong Teaches Me History

Dudu is five years old this year.

Her aunt is sick and can't livestream. She says she'll lose money if she does not, so Dudu gets upset, sneaks her phone, and livestreams every day to meet the minimum time requirement.

"H-ha, hello. I'm streamer Dudu."

At the same time, her voice rings out in many different places.

Cao Cao: "Hmph, where did this little girl come from? She dares to call herself a commander? Find her and cut her down."

"Hello, I-I'm livestreaming myself reading sentences," the little girl says in a soft, sweet voice.

Qianlong, yawning as he heads to court, sees a panel suddenly appear. While the other emperors are still weighing things up, he casually taps the button to connect to the voice chat.

Inside Xianyang Palace

Jing Ke lowers his eyes and says, "The King of Qin is the equal of Yao, Shun, and Yu. I, Jing Ke, have long admired him, and offer the head of Fan Yuqi as a gift."

At that very moment, the voice of a talking pen rings out in Xianyang Palace: Jing Ke assassinates the King of Qin.

Dudu asks, puzzled, "Brother Qianlong, Dudu doesn't understand this. What does 'Jing Ke assassinates the King of Qin' mean?"

Qianlong replies lazily, "It means Jing Ke used the chance to present Fan Yuqi's head to assassinate the King of Qin, Ying Zheng."

Ying Zheng, seated on the throne, and Jing Ke, holding the box, lock eyes.

Ying Zheng: "Since you're already here, let's go through the motions!"

Jing Ke: …

Dudu: "Brother Qianlong, what are you laughing at?"

Qianlong: "One of my ministers said my poetry is a hundred times better than Li Bai's and Du Fu's."

Everyone: … They hold their breath and listen.

Li Bai and Du Fu aren't jealous in the slightest. They are thrilled, rising to their feet to hear this earth-shaking masterpiece.

A moment later, Li Bai stands in the pouring rain, gazing up at the sky with a bewildered expression. He no longer understands poetry.

Kangxi spits out his tea: "Which family's attention-seeking descendant is this? What a disgrace."

Yongzheng: "No idea. Anyway, he's not one of ours. But speaking of which, what dynasty is Qianlong from?"

August 12, 2023

Theme: I'll write this later