Everything's Gained Sentience! I'm Numb!

The struggling author Chao Yujing was typing away as usual when she heard a mocking voice: "What is this supposed to be? Even a dog would shake its head after reading it."

Chao Yujing couldn't take it anymore. "If you're so good, you do it!"

Then she watched in astonishment as the keyboard started typing by itself.

!!!

Good grief! My keyboard has come alive!

As it turned out, it wasn't just the keyboard. Almost everything in the world had come alive. The only problem was that Chao Yujing was the only person who could communicate with them.

When a criminal took a hostage at knifepoint, Chao Yujing shouted, "Don't do anything stupid! Following him won't end well. Giving up now is your only choice!"

The criminal frowned. "What the hell are you talking about?"

But then the knife in his hand shouted, "Heaven is unjust, and the Yellow Heaven shall rule! I'm switching sides right now!"

Everyone watched as the criminal waved the knife and stabbed himself.

After the police confiscated it and stuck on a label, the knife grinned. "From today on, I'm officially on the payroll!"

Chao Yujing: ...

That's an inventory number!

On her way home, she saw a young woman about to jump into a river. Chao Yujing hurried to the railing and shouted at the river, "Don't just swallow everything! You'll get a stomachache, you know!"

The river thought back to all the times people had dredged around inside it with various tools. "You're right!"

"Heh, ptooey!"

And so the young woman who had just jumped in was spat right back out in a mouthful of water.

The young woman: ???!!!

After finally getting home, Chao Yujing found a huge bed blocking the doorway. "..."

"What are you doing?"

The bed: "Why does the quilt get to sun itself every day? I want to bask in the sun too! I'm getting moldy!"

The door: "For crying out loud, Jingjing, do something! I can hardly breathe!"

The carpet: "Are you coming in or not? You're hurting my feet!"

Chao Yujing: ...

Theme: Be happy every day.