Honey, Say Something!

Originally titled Mr. Sloth

Mu Mu's husband is a cold, beautiful man who usually says no more than three sentences at a time, each no longer than ten words. Sometimes he doesn't speak at all.

They've been married for a year. The most Mu Mu has ever heard his husband speak is in bed. But the moment he gets up and pulls on his pants, he's back to being an iceberg. Mu Mu has often wondered if the man has some kind of problem with him.

Then one time, his husband got drunk while out, so Mu Mu went to pick him up. The usually distant man clung tightly to him and complained, “Wife, what took you so long? I'm freezing and shaking.”

Mu Mu froze for three seconds, then turned around and called someone. “Hello, Officer? My husband has gone missing.”

The second time he noticed something strange was when his husband got too worked up in bed and accidentally hit his head. Mu Mu scrambled up without even putting on his clothes to check on him, but his husband covered his head and protested:

“You hit me! You hit my head, too! My ma says you shouldn't hit people on the head, or they'll get stupid. I'm telling my ma you hit me!”

Then he threw off the covers and climbed out of bed naked. Mu Mu forced himself up and went looking for him, only to find him crouched in a corner of the balcony, complaining: “Ma, my wife hit me. Yeah, he hit my head, and it really hurts. Why are you taking his side? He's fine, but I'm the one who's hurting.”

The third time Mu Mu noticed something was wrong, his husband had gotten drunk again. He lay in bed with tears streaming down his face. Mu Mu couldn't take it anymore and asked what was wrong, but his husband replied timidly:

“I won't talk to you. You don't like my accent.”

Mu Mu pressed a hand to his forehead and sighed. “What do you mean, an accent? That's a full-on regional dialect!”

*

Gu Yan grew up poor. When he went to college, his classmates made fun of his accent, and he gradually got into the habit of keeping quiet. Even when he did speak, he kept it simple, so his accent wouldn't be too noticeable.

Later, after he got married, he worried his wife would dislike his accent, so he spoke even less. At most, he'd answer with an “Mm,” squeezed out from the back of his throat.

Then one morning, he woke up to find his wife staring at him. He was so startled he nearly cried out for his mother, but managed to hold it in. To his surprise, his wife spoke first:

“You're awake. Did you sleep well? I didn't sleep well at all last night, you know?”

Gu Yan was deeply shaken inside, but kept a calm expression and his usual aloof air as he headed for the dining room. Then he saw a bowl of spicy pepper soup on the table, and his heart began to race. It seemed like his wife had figured something out.

But how had he figured it out? It was so strange!

A northern top who takes ages to catch on × a southern bottom who's only ever half-hearted about things

1. No cheating, comedy

2. Second draft of the blurb, noted on 2023.9.17

The artwork for the upcoming story was kindly provided for free by artist BS

Theme: I'll love you no matter what