The Harmony System Made Me a Walking Misunderstanding

[The premise will stay the same. It will either be Detective Conan, Bungo Stray Dogs, or Jujutsu Kaisen. If I change it to Jujutsu Kaisen later, I'll update the blurb.]

Nan Xiawu was an utterly ordinary bottle of real liquor. While on a mission, he was struck down by the Harmony System, which descended from the heavens to deliver justice.

The badly damaged System warned him that he had to complete the mission "Harmony for you, me, and everyone; happiness for the whole world," then handed him the Twenty Rules of Harmony. After that, it ran out of steam and put itself into hibernation.

Rule One of Harmony: Treat every major character with sincerity and kindness. Be a good person.

Rule Two of Harmony: No smoking, drinking, or swearing. Be civilized.

Rule Three of Harmony: No fighting or killing. Solve problems with words.

Nan Xiawu: .

Nan Xiawu: Wait, when you Systems abduct people, could you at least check what they're doing?

It's so embarrassing to drop my gun and start crying while watching Gin stab someone, yelling, "Stop fighting! If you have to fight, go do it in the dance studio!"

*

Organization executive Cachasa had a melancholy, world-weary beauty's face. The moment he appeared in the manga, he set the forums ablaze.

The forum rejoiced: [A real bottle! He's a real bottle! Gin, you're finally not fighting alone!]

Then, on the next page, this officially certified bottle of real liquor held down Gin's gun, aimed at a traitor. In a dramatic close-up, his beautiful face looked ready to burst into tears as he pleaded, "Promise me you'll solve problems with words. No fighting or killing, okay?"

Gin: .

Forum: [??????]

#Cachasa, what's wrong with his brain#

#Rare real liquor, but an absolute saint#

#Sorry, Gin, you'll have to keep fighting alone#

*

Thanks to his one-of-a-kind character, the forum's tone gradually veered in a very strange direction.

[Why is Cachasa crying over Gin's Beretta in the middle of the night? Holy crap, is he in love with him?]

[He kissed Scotland's bleeding wound, ahhh! Leave me alone, I'm so overwhelmed by this ship (lie flat in peace).]

[Bourbon has to have fallen for him, right? A weapon of war washing its hands of blood to cook for you, locked up but still worrying about whether you've eaten on time. Seriously, I'm crying!]

[He has a fear of blood, but still rushed in front of Akai to take a bullet for him. He lost so much blood he nearly died! I'm losing my mind. If Red-Char isn't real, then what is?]

Nan Xiawu, whose bleeding is really oil, whose weapons have all been censored, who can no longer cut people and can only chop vegetables, and who spends all day slacking off, knew nothing about any of this. He was quite pleased with his work.

Then the System came back from hibernation and was shocked. "You didn't link to the forum, so where did that forum come from?!"

Nan Xiawu was shocked too. "What's a forum?!"

Completely baffled, he was just about to look it up when he turned around and met the complicated gazes of his colleagues *N

"I'll let you off this time. There won't be a next time."

"I understand how you feel. You don't have to say more."

"I won't forget what you've done for me."

Blocks of colorful text flashed densely before his eyes. Oh, so his cheat had been linked to someone else.

Nan Xiawu glanced at the favorability scores and harmony ratings in the admin panel, fell silent for three seconds, then declared with great confidence: "That counts as completing the mission, right?"

Harmony System: ...

Harmony System: You're freaking amazing.

--

Notes:

A lighthearted story driven by misunderstandings from beginning to end. To outsiders, he's a melancholy, world-weary yandere. In reality, he's shameless and doesn't care about anything, a weapons enthusiast who could kiss Gin in public (?).

He's real liquor, but the censored version. He'll complete his mission in extremely twisted ways.

Theme: Harmony for you, me, and everyone; happiness for every family.