A Fatuous Emperor's Daily Guide to Staying Alive

Temporarily on hiatus. Sorry. The main story is told in third person. - I am an emperor who disguises herself as a man. My consorts and ministers adore me. My consorts often come to blows fighting for my favor. My ministers sing my praises whenever I inadvertently reveal some absurd idea. This is all rather troubling for me. Until one day, after I fell into the water and woke up, I suddenly heard their inner thoughts. The usually dignified and proper empress was crying inwardly: [If he dies, I'm afraid the secret in my belly will no longer be hidden!] The noble consort, who was sobbing and saying how worried she was about me, grumbled inwardly: [No wonder he still hasn't consummated our marriage. Could he be too weak to perform?] My ninth imperial uncle, who had always supported and doted on me, and even taken a blade for me, held me in his arms and comforted me on the outside, while coldly laughing inside: [Why didn't he drown? Never mind, I'll let him live a couple more days!] My Imperial Tutor, an otherworldly immortal who always punished me by making me copy The Emperor's Strategy over the slightest disagreement: [He's cuddling up to someone again. One day, I'll lock him up. Then he'll belong to me alone.] Me: ⊙▽⊙!!!! Help! I quit! - One dark and windy night, I prepared to escape. I had just crawled out of a dog hole when I ran into my sworn enemy, the general I always fought with whenever we met. The murderous general, who commanded a powerful army, looked at me with a brooding gaze. "What a coincidence." I heard his thoughts: [Hehe, at last, you're in my hands!] Me, who had been diligently hanging on for dear life: !!!!! Forget it. I can't keep this up. Let's burn it all down! I took the initiative and kissed my haughty sworn enemy, telling him that I had actually always liked him. Every night, I invited my scheming ninth imperial uncle into the palace and talked with him about forbidden love between close relatives. I hinted to the lovesick, possessive Imperial Tutor that if he helped me, I would be his... And there are ministers, the empress's lover, the other consorts... Ever since I went crazy, I feel a lot better. Though they've all gone crazy over me... Theme: Going crazy fills the world with love.