The System Wants Me to Do Great Things

At some point, a newspaper called Epoch Weekly appeared in Yokohama, no, across the entire country. Its headlines and contents were shocking, and soon after its debut, it caught the attention of organizations from every side.

"Why Did the Port Mafia Boss Drive Away His Own Executive?"

"The Armed Detective Agency President Is Obsessed with Cats, and It Turns Out It's for... Her?"

"The Story That Must Be Told About the Special Division for Unusual Powers and the Port Mafia!"

"Inside Scoop: A Port Mafia Executive Loves Wearing Hats, Apparently to Look Taller!"

"Excerpt from the Preview of The Sickly Young Lady's Devoted Admirers: Mori Ou x, eyes reddened, pins the young lady onto the soft bedding. In a hoarse voice, he says domineeringly yet humbly, 'Don't go. I'll give you my life.'"

Readers: "Ohhh!!! Give us even more juicy scoops!"

Those named in the newspaper: "...Rumors! These are all rumors! Fake news!!!!"

System: "...So make them like you or hate you, love you or loathe you. Make a deep impression on them, so they'll never forget you for the rest of their lives."

I swept my hand grandly toward the empire I'd built (the newspaper) and showed it to the System.

"See? Now they won't forget me for eight lifetimes."

"They don't just hate me, they love me too. They both love and hate me!"

System: It doesn't quite feel right, but the love-and-hate points are maxed out, so I guess... there's not really a problem?

*

As an influential figure in the literary world and an unyielding pioneer of gossip literature, I opened an account online to repay my fans.

The avatar absolutely has to be the pinkest one!

Username: Chuuya and Dazai's Darling Wife [Turned Evil] (name changed often)

Bio: Facing the sea, with spring blossoms in bloom. From today on, I will be a warm, cute, and kind person. (Editor-in-chief, editor, writer, and reporter for Epoch Weekly. Notable work: The documentary novel The Sickly Young Lady's Devoted Admirers, now being serialized to great acclaim.)

Everyone in question: ...Please, just try being a person first!

Reading Guide:

* The main text is written in third person.

* Warning! Warning!! FBI (not really) warning!!! The female lead goes from fan to hater. Romance is gone, but the fun is here!! Read with caution if that's not your thing!!

* This is a parody for a laugh, with no logic. The System is invincible, and I'm writing without an outline. It won't just feature Bungo Stray Dogs; the distillery and the Vongola family might show up too. I'll write whatever comes to mind.

* Updates are irregular for now. I'll write when inspiration strikes!

Completed work: Two or Three Things Between Me and a Younger Man, written in first person, pairing with Dazai. Everyone is welcome to read it!

Theme: Live each day as you please