Secret Identities Explode the Love Polygon

[No secret identities are revealed in this story. The 'battle royale' refers to the secret identities' antics with one another.] Also known as "Did the Office Drone Get Off Work Today?" and "When the Author Kills Off Characters, Readers and the Protagonists Celebrate Together" After countless trials, Liangong He Shu finally escaped a lifetime of working for the Main God and returned to his original world to enjoy retirement. But the System landed incorrectly and somehow made his body disappear. To rebuild it, he needed to get energy by making contact with the world's protagonists. Liangong He Shu: ... To ensure his retirement went smoothly, Liangong He Shu grabbed the System by the throat and made it create a new body for him. And so The Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department suddenly got a transfer from its Second Investigative Division: an inspector who coughed every few steps and couldn't hurt a fly, yet was exceptionally good at solving cases. Some guy who keeps making little brothers: Bring glory back to the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department! Hurry up and steal the detectives' jobs! The liquor syndicate got a fake drinker who was a crazy older brother-obsessive, always blowing things up with his bare hands. Bourbon the kitty shed tears: If I've committed a crime, let the country punish me, not make me blow up a fish pond with that guy. Some Yokohama hat-wearing menace got a nemesis who picked a fight with him every time they met. The man in question said: That guy... is even more annoying than that blue-haired fish! The cult leader of the Star Religious Group, whose death was in a Schrodinger state, somehow got a childhood friend who had turned into a cursed spirit... 5t5: Is that why you're fighting me over my best friend? Liangong He Shu: Thanks for asking. I'm just an office drone forced to take up a script and work overtime. Later, after blowing up the battle royale, Liangong He Shu tried to run off to another country and retire. The System urgently contacted him. System (panicking): The world hasn't acknowledged you yet! You have to finish the plot before you run away! Aaaah!! Looking at the plot he'd turned into a mess by blowing things up with his secret identities, Liangong He Shu fell into deep thought. Is it still too late to go back to work for the Main God? #I can outlive Conan# #As long as I have enough scripts, the battle royale can't catch me# #Work is shit!# Reader's Guide: 1. Mainly Detective Conan and Jujutsu Kaisen, with original mystery-solving plots. 2. The protagonist is a ghost, and this is an original story driven by multiple secret identities. The scripts are fairly complex, so consider yourself warned. Nobody's secret identity is revealed. The protagonist doesn't use his secret identities at first, but later he can't get enough of them. 3. The timeline is a mess. Just assume it's all authorial license. The System disappears in Chapter 31. Don't let its idiotic antics get to you; it's all just there to give the protagonist a chance to mess around (I'm dying of laughter). 4. This is purely a no-couple story. There are no unrequited crushes and no secondary couples. The police academy crew and Jujutsu Kaisen cast are all strictly friends, so please don't start arguments. Love you all, mwah! 5. Anti-piracy measures are enabled. Please don't come to the comments to attack each other over pirated copies. Thanks. Theme: Face the storms of life with a smile.