How About You Send Me Back Where I Came From?

[December 29: Going premium. Writing is hard, so please support the official release. Thank you very much.]

Su Fu always thought he was the protagonist of a feel-good comedy, because after he transmigrated to another world, he spent three years cultivating, five years reaching the Golden Core stage, and became the youngest Nascent Soul patriarch in ten. Even the big yellow dog that barked at him on the road got slapped twice by his master.

Until his master toyed with his feelings, then killed him to prove the Dao. Yes, he was the unlucky "wife."

Who knew he wouldn't die, but would instead transmigrate back to the real world?

Then he turned around and discovered that his real life had become an angst-novel checklist: his father didn't care for him, his mother didn't love him, his brothers thought he was an idiot, and a fake young master kept framing him whenever he got the chance.

Ugh, why don't you just send me back?

Then, at a certain ahem, establishment, he spotted a male escort who looked exactly like his master.

What? A gambling-addict father, a mother who died young, a troublesome younger brother, and a broken him?

This, this, this... If I don't take him in, who will?

Su Fu asked excitedly but politely, "Hey, handsome, would you consider letting me keep you?"

The big shot mistaken for a male escort: ?

Su Fu rubbed his hands and asked politely again, "Oh, by the way, are you... big?"

The big shot: ?

Su Fu: "By the way, I'm pretty broke. Is three thousand a month enough?"

How much?

You said how much?!

The big shot's expression grew impossibly complicated. In the end, he spoke stiffly, with a hint of humiliation. "Three thousand five hundred."

It was the last shred of his dignity.

Su Fu: Huh? That's so expensive! (disgusted.jpg)

The big shot: ???

Later, the mischievous younger brother found out about their arrangement. He rubbed his hands together and deliberately showed up while the big shot was home.

Younger brother: "Keep me instead. I'll only ask for two thousand."

Su Fu: ?

Younger brother: "We absolutely can't let my brother find out."

Su Fu: ??

Younger brother: "By the way, sister-in-law, when are you breaking up with my brother?"

Su Fu: ???

The big shot, who had overheard every word, silently opened the wardrobe.

The younger brother was grinning with delight, the big shot wore an expressionless face, and Su Fu wanted nothing more than to find a crack in the floor to hide in.

Ugh, never mind. Just send me back.

A certain Divine Venerable sat upon the Ninth Heaven, picking up a flower and plucking off a petal with every muttered phrase.

"He loves me. He loves my clone. He loves me. He loves my clone..."

No, he had to ask and find out!

Wait, he said he loves both of me?

Great! Doesn't that mean twice the love?

No, wait! Both of me?!

A shameless, face-slapping, feel-good, sweet, universally adored comedy protagonist, Su Fu, as the uke x a cold-on-the-outside, warm-on-the-inside master, seemingly unruffled but secretly wanting to wash his wife's underwear, with two identities and personalities, as the seme

A feel-good, sweet, face-slapping comedy! The story's logic exists purely for fun! The seme gets jealous of himself! So jealous he could die of it! The seme really is incredibly jealous!

A groveling chase, a harem of admirers, and a jealousy showdown between two personalities!

Next upcoming novel: Anyone Who's Read a Crazy Novel Knows

Blurb: Anyone who's read a crazy novel knows that helpless feeling of being unable to reach into the story. You can roast the braindead protagonist until you're blue in the face, but they still manage to ruin a winning hand. It makes you want to dive into the story, slap them a few times, kick them, and spit out a furious "Tch!"

After staying up all night to read hundreds of crazy novels, Su Wu finally got so angry he died. When he opened his eyes, he found himself inside one of those novels, complete with a crazy-novel fun-value System.

The System was great in every way, except it always liked to send electric currents through him.

First crazy-novel world: He was forced to cross-dress and marry a scumbag as his "trophy wife." He was a mute who couldn't speak, a delicate vine who could only cry when framed, a braindead fool who endured physical and emotional abuse but still dragged his feet about divorcing the scumbag, a moron who decided to ignore the scumbag but then got tangled up with him again as soon as he showed up, and a useless pushover who couldn't go through with living independently.

Second crazy-novel world: He was the substitute for his first love, a tool for a thousand-mile booty call, a lunatic who willingly endured all kinds of torment but still fell hopelessly in love with trash, a vessel whose eyes and kidneys were taken, and a pathetic sucker who decided to fake his death and live well, but still couldn't cut ties with his ex.

Third crazy-novel world: He was the real young master who had been switched at birth, a poor little thing abused, bullied, and framed at home, an innocent person misunderstood by everyone and kicked out, and finally an idiot who could only end his own life, leaving all those who hurt him to regret it forever.

After reading the world descriptions, Su Wu sucked in a sharp breath. His hands were itching, he was practically ravenous. This is great! I can do this, I really can! I can barely contain my urge to slap them in the face!

This is what I'm good at! I really know how to do this!

Just then, the System spoke in a ghostly voice. "You know I'm just a string of data, right?"

Su Wu was busy sending the scumbag to prison and looked confused. "So?"

The System took a puff from an electronic cigarette. "I mean, you know that when I... you know, I'm electric current too, right?"

As soon as it finished speaking, a faint current traveled over his arm.

Su Wu: ?

System: "Yes, I'm sexually harassing you."

A strong person never complains about their circumstances: peak face-slapping Su Wu as the uke x a cold-faced System, data and electric current that wants to wash underwear as the seme

A feel-good, face-slapping quick transmigration story. Please don't try to apply ordinary logic to the crazy-novel logic. The protagonist is the logic.

The System is the System, data is data, and electric current is electric current, so System-data-electric-current play is perfectly normal.

Theme: Love should be brave and unwavering.