Trapped Beast

I want to tell you the deepest words in my heart, but I dare not, for fear you’ll laugh at me.

So I laugh at myself, shattering my secret with a joke.

I make light of my pain, because I’m afraid you’ll do the same.

 

I want to tell you the truest words in my heart, but I dare not, for fear you won’t believe me.

So I pretend my lies are true, saying the opposite of what I really feel.

I make my pain sound ridiculous, because I’m afraid you’ll do the same.

 

I want to call you by the most precious name, but I dare not, for fear you won’t return the feeling.

So I give you cruel names and flaunt my pride.

I hurt you because I’m afraid you’ll never know my pain.

 

I long to sit quietly beside you, but I dare not, for fear my heart will leap to my lips.

So I chat lightly about this and that, hiding my heart behind my words.

I treat my pain harshly, because I’m afraid you’ll do the same.

 

I long to walk away from you, but I dare not, for fear you’ll see my cowardice.

So I saunter casually up to you, holding my head high.

The stings cast at me again and again from your eyes keep my pain forever fresh.

Rabindranath Tagore, The Gardener

Rabindranath Tagore, Gardener 41

Basically, it’s an awkward story that captures just this feeling, haha - -