My Ex Crawled Out of Hell to Get Back Together with Me

Xie Zhihan works at an obscure paranormal investigation agency. He's an obscure medium, teetering on the brink of unemployment. On the verge of losing his job, he's forced to join the paranormal exploration show Ghosts Have an Appointment. The show is packed with talent: on one side is a centuries-old family of exorcists, on the other a rising star medium who can communicate between the worlds of the living and the dead. As for him, the director has cast him as the beautiful background decoration and mood-maker. Caught between two big shots, he sways from side to side, showing off the graceful art of fence-sitting. Until the gates of hell swing wide open. Hordes of ghosts pour out. Everyone is helpless. Xie Zhihan calmly lights a cigarette. The flame arcs through the air, tracing a parabola, and the gates of hell explode behind him. Amid the towering flames, he calmly explains, "My mistake. A gas well exploded." Everyone: Right, we believe you. Believe what, exactly? :) Ghosts: I don't believe it either. :) ** Xie Zhihan is a third-rate medium. Aside from having a devilish ex-boyfriend who likes to promote materialism and ruin his livelihood by showing up when picture frames shake, crosses turn upside down, and doors open and close by themselves, there's nothing much wrong with him. Until one day, he gets a message. His ex-boyfriend, who was locked up in hell, has crawled out. ** "We'll fall in love, and over the long years, we'll come to hate each other, breeding resentment and spite. The house we once built around our love will become an arena without walls, where we fight to the death. That will be the best ending." He pried the demon's fingers away one by one. "So you go back to hell, and I stay in the human world. That's the best way for us to part with dignity." At the edge of hell, sulfur and flames filled the air. The demon said, "Fine." "But be careful. I'll watch you from hell. I'll hunger for your body and bones until our corpses are buried beneath this filthy grave." "We'll sleep with our heads on each other's arms in eternal silence. That's the true ending." Shh. Be careful. The demon is coming for you. One-line blurbs for upcoming novels: Picking Up a Reborn Dragon Protagonist: I transmigrated, and did it way too early. I kept my head down until the final round, won the game, and became a grandmaster in the Mahayana stage. Then I took on a disciple, who turned out to be reborn, and... since I transmigrated too early, I forgot the entire plot ages ago, so it's only natural that I don't know he's the dragon-protagonist, right? God Doesn't Work Overtime on Weekends: A God Simulator. God doesn't want to work overtime on weekends, so she builds a huge nine-story mansion and gets ready to enjoy some video games. Lots of people cry and beg to come in and play with her. Please don't trespass on private property! >_< A Third-Rate Novelist in a Cyberpunk World: A wish-fulfillment, feel-good story about a protagonist everyone loves. Theme: People can take control of their own fate.