The Grand Tutor Always Threatens to Die in Remonstrance

I am the Emperor. My father died young, and I was hauled onto the Dragon Throne when I was only eleven. I am heartbroken! Not one of my uncles, aunts, brothers, or sisters even wants to usurp the throne! What the heck is this? Nobody has any ambition! I couldn't care less about the empire my father won. What I care about is catching snails with the little eunuchs in the imperial garden. They're as big as my fist, and there's not a eunuch in the entire palace who can catch more than I can! You'd never know what I could do until I got started. Once I did, the whole world was shaken! I could catch enough snails in a single morning to make a plate of spicy stir-fried snails for the Imperial Kitchen! Even if I stopped being Emperor, I could make a fortune catching snails and climb straight to the top of life. Too bad my ministers are all so loyal, and my brother is off traveling for pleasure. So, to spend my whole life catching snails, I have decided to be a tyrant. I decide to visit the brothel. "Your Majesty, something terrible has happened! The Grand Tutor is threatening to die in protest again!" "Damn it! Stop him for me!" I skip morning court. "Your Majesty, something terrible has happened! The Grand Tutor banged his head against the wall and is lying there, unable to move!" "Damn it! Bring him back to life!" I refuse to review memorials. "Your Majesty, something terrible has happened! The Grand Tutor is barely breathing! He, he, he, he is threatening to die in protest again!" "Damn it! I'll review them!" I... I am furious! "Guards! Bring the Grand Tutor here!" "Your Majesty, the Grand Tutor says he dealt with both volumes of Spring Breeze Eighteen Miles in your study." "Damn it! Never mind, don't bring him here! Prepare my carriage to the Grand Tutor's residence!" The Grand Tutor never lets me catch snails. The Grand Tutor never lets me slack off. The Grand Tutor never lets me read comics. The Grand Tutor is always so loyal. The Grand Tutor is always so concerned for the country and its people. The Grand Tutor is as refined as an orchid. His eyes are tender even when he isn't smiling, and his frail body is kept going entirely by medicine. The Grand Tutor should cherish his life and stay away from tyrants. But my Grand Tutor is always threatening to die in protest. Theme: