This isn't one person's story. It's the story of a group of people. Han Rui was born without parents. When she was twelve, the grandfather who raised her was hunted down, and it seemed her fate changed at that very moment. Enemies, lovers? No matter how far apart they are, they will meet in the end and fall in love, because everything is destined.
Hello author, this is Dou S who crawled out from hell to write a review. I apologize for taking so long. So without further ado, let's get straight to the point.
This ancient proverb is a typical example of falling in love through martial arts. It was a style that was popular many years ago. Although it is outdated now, this article made me unconsciously miss the time when I read it. It is not difficult to see from the article that you are a very thoughtful author. You have a very clear blueprint for the story in your mind. After more than 200,000 words, everything is told clearly and logically. Moreover, each character has a distinct personality and will not confuse people. This is a great job. Of course, this article still exposes a lot of newbie shortcomings, so let's focus on the key points.
First of all, there are the first twenty chapters, which tell the story of the heroine's parents and Shen Qiufeng and her cousin in a large space. The heroine is abandoned and it is really necessary to spend so much time telling the story of the supporting characters in detail? The author wishes he could write all the stories clearly, but the main plot of this article is the entanglement between the heroine and two men. Shouldn't the focus be on that? The so-called past can only be touched on in a few strokes. After all, it is of little use to the main plot and is just a past relationship.
On the contrary, the development of the relationship between the heroine and the two men was drastically cut off by the author. They always suddenly got better, suddenly got married, and after breaking up, suddenly they got better again... The heroine and Shen Qiufeng, who just had a crush on each other, and who had just graduated from the White Deer Sect, was already in a passionate love stage; the heroine and Lin Mo, who had just broken off their engagement and got frustrated, were poisoned and went to Yaowang Valley for treatment, and were already in a passionate love stage. How did this develop (laughing and crying), I once wondered if I missed something (but I didn't). The same is true for the hostess's mother and the hostess' father... The same is true for Zuo Qing's love for the hostess' mother... There is no foreshadowing or emotional change, just a sudden change of state, which is difficult to accept both emotionally and rationally. I suggest the author to write more emotional dramas, this sudden change in style is really bad.
Also... For a Jianghu novel, the character's behavior is a bit unreasonable. After Han Hui discovered that her father was seriously injured, she went to Shen Yanbin for help, and was coaxed by a few simple words to hand over the True Dragon Sword. Even though she was well protected and ignorant of the world, she was still seventeen years old after all. Even if she was described as innocent, it would not be justified. The relationship between the two was completely like an adult deceiving a child, not a man deceiving a woman. When Lin Mo met the heroine for the first time, he took her under his wing because she was bullied. She was still a deputy leader in her twenties, and she was not a good person in the traditional sense. Why was he so merciful and yet inexplicably jealous of Shen Qiufeng? His words and deeds were no different from those of a young boy. Shen Qiufeng was arrested and sent to the White Deer Sect. Shen Qiufeng was somewhat famous after all. After all, he had a rich background. He did not make any disguise or use a pseudonym, and he did not behave like an ordinary person. When he reported his name, no one in the White Deer Sect recognized his identity. The character's IQ is too low, and his words and deeds are not very consistent with his identity and age. All these factors make it difficult for people to be convinced, and naturally they will not have a good impression of the character.
However, rather than improving these problems, the most important thing is to finish writing the story. It is not easy to persist for so long. Finishing it is a victory~
I wish the author will get better as he writes ~
A bunch of flowers, dedicated to the author who is working hard to code, cheers for you
When I saw [White Deer Sect], I thought of White Lotus Sect
Qingshan is so infatuated and moved.
In a word, please update!!
Damn, here I come*^_^*
Come on, come on↖(^ω^)↗
Come and step on it, don't give up, keep updating, come on ^ω^
Too little!!! Update quickly, or if you don't update, you will catch the black room!!!
Hello author, this is Dou S who crawled out from hell to write a review. I apologize for taking so long. So without further ado, let's get straight to the point. This ancient proverb is a typical example of falling in love through martial arts. It was a style that was popular many years ago. Although it is outdated now, this article made me unconsciously miss the time when I read it. It is not difficult to see from the article that you are a very thoughtful author. You have a very clear blueprint for the story in your mind. After more than 200,000 words, everything is told clearly and logically. Moreover, each character has a distinct personality and will not confuse people. This is a great job. Of course, this article still exposes a lot of newbie shortcomings, so let's focus on the key points. First of all, there are the first twenty chapters, which tell the story of the heroine's parents and Shen Qiufeng and her cousin in a large space. The heroine is abandoned and it is really necessary to spend so much time telling the story of the supporting characters in detail? The author wishes he could write all the stories clearly, but the main plot of this article is the entanglement between the heroine and two men. Shouldn't the focus be on that? The so-called past can only be touched on in a few strokes. After all, it is of little use to the main plot and is just a past relationship. On the contrary, the development of the relationship between the heroine and the two men was drastically cut off by the author. They always suddenly got better, suddenly got married, and after breaking up, suddenly they got better again... The heroine and Shen Qiufeng, who just had a crush on each other, and who had just graduated from the White Deer Sect, was already in a passionate love stage; the heroine and Lin Mo, who had just broken off their engagement and got frustrated, were poisoned and went to Yaowang Valley for treatment, and were already in a passionate love stage. How did this develop (laughing and crying), I once wondered if I missed something (but I didn't). The same is true for the hostess's mother and the hostess' father... The same is true for Zuo Qing's love for the hostess' mother... There is no foreshadowing or emotional change, just a sudden change of state, which is difficult to accept both emotionally and rationally. I suggest the author to write more emotional dramas, this sudden change in style is really bad. Also... For a Jianghu novel, the character's behavior is a bit unreasonable. After Han Hui discovered that her father was seriously injured, she went to Shen Yanbin for help, and was coaxed by a few simple words to hand over the True Dragon Sword. Even though she was well protected and ignorant of the world, she was still seventeen years old after all. Even if she was described as innocent, it would not be justified. The relationship between the two was completely like an adult deceiving a child, not a man deceiving a woman. When Lin Mo met the heroine for the first time, he took her under his wing because she was bullied. She was still a deputy leader in her twenties, and she was not a good person in the traditional sense. Why was he so merciful and yet inexplicably jealous of Shen Qiufeng? His words and deeds were no different from those of a young boy. Shen Qiufeng was arrested and sent to the White Deer Sect. Shen Qiufeng was somewhat famous after all. After all, he had a rich background. He did not make any disguise or use a pseudonym, and he did not behave like an ordinary person. When he reported his name, no one in the White Deer Sect recognized his identity. The character's IQ is too low, and his words and deeds are not very consistent with his identity and age. All these factors make it difficult for people to be convinced, and naturally they will not have a good impression of the character. However, rather than improving these problems, the most important thing is to finish writing the story. It is not easy to persist for so long. Finishing it is a victory~ I wish the author will get better as he writes ~
A bunch of flowers, dedicated to the author who is working hard to code, cheers for you
When I saw [White Deer Sect], I thought of White Lotus Sect
Qingshan is so infatuated and moved.
In a word, please update!!
Damn, here I come*^_^*
Come on, come on↖(^ω^)↗
Come and step on it, don't give up, keep updating, come on ^ω^
Too little!!! Update quickly, or if you don't update, you will catch the black room!!!
Affectionate, touching.