Only People Who Wear Nike Are Fit to Be My Boss

Boss, my destined boss, where in the world are you?

Bosses who can't take a hit: (smiling)

☆ [First person] [Absurd comedy]

☆ [Every boss I find ends up getting killed by my bad luck!?]

★ [Boss Number One] [Italy: Varia]

This boss is always in a mood that changes like the weather.

To win over his stomach, I devoted myself to honing my cooking skills! In the end, I became a five-star Michelin chef.

The boss likes to lose his temper? No problem! He should drink more loofah soup.

The boss wants to become the supreme ruler of Sicily? Easy! I'll dance a street dance at the foot of the Ninth Vongola Boss's bed and scare him to death.

The boss beats people up at the drop of a hat? What a personality! I'll wave my hands around in celebration!

Before long, the boss turned into an ice sculpture.

Huh?

Are you coming back for dinner?

Boss!!!

★ [Boss Number Two] [Japan: The Black Organization]

This boss is cold and ruthless, a man of few words, with a head of white hair. He's exactly what I picture when I think of a boss.

To prove my loyalty, I specially adapted the organization's new-hire pledge to suit local tastes:

The organization doesn't keep freeloaders. If you want to rise up, fight me for it.

Anyone can act tough, but the boss is the toughest.

When the boss says go east, don't go west.

When the boss says get down, don't stand up.

The boss gets center stage at every meeting. Anyone who steals the spotlight is out.

We don't kill people. We just make our targets

exit early beneath a rain of lasers.

When we come back from a job to report in,

our reports must rhyme and leave nothing unclear:

"Target is clear, our aura supreme. Boss on top, mission complete."

The boss looked at me, his organization's trusted aide (and greatest threat), with a pleased (?) expression.

Then the organization was wiped out, and I got it wiped out too.

★ [Boss Number Three] [Japan: The Star Plasma Vessel Cult]

This boss is a bit of a weirdo, and he gave me the honorary title of "Mount Emei's Mischievous Monkey."

The boss spends every day fiddling with who knows what, so I took it upon myself to whip the Star Plasma Vessel Cult into shape.

Come on!

Let's all wave our hands around and dance the street dance! Let's pool our money and go for a walk!

Soon, we'll invent the Star Plasma Dance and beat the Qinghai Dance!

Before I could turn the Star Plasma Vessel Cult into Japan's biggest street crew, someone hit the boss in the head so hard his skull went flying.

I dropped to my knees.

"You may have won this round, but I didn't lose to you. I lost because the weather was bad today!"

And so I got my fourth boss.

★ [Boss Number Four] [Tokyo: Tokyo Jujutsu High]

★ [Boss Number Five] [Yokohama: The Port Mafia]

★ [Boss Number Six] [Namimori: The Vongola Family]

★ [Boss Number Seven] [Tokyo: The Red Clan, HOMRA]

★ [Boss Number N] [???]

I refuse to believe it!

Is there really not a single boss in this world who can take a hit?

My name is You (Yuu), and I'm the best around.

Spicy strips in my left hand, booze in my right,

I'm the queen of street dance, ruling the night.

One wave of my hands, and ghosts take flight.

Who do you think you are? Get out of my sight!

You can't steal my rhythm, and you can't learn my stride.

There's no towering tree in the streets, so remember: I'm Sister You.

I stand here, and that makes the rules. I move an inch, and a storm breaks loose!

Sister You has arrived, and the whole place is screaming!

As you can see, I'm a delinquent girl.

The kind who wears platform shoes, dyes her hair in a multicolored afro, puts on a bright red Wangzai T-shirt, draws huge under-eye puffs, waves her hands around, recites rhymes, dances street dances, and splits a honey-lemon drink from Mixue with her friends.

To make a name for myself, I recognized lots of bosses in my small-town street crew as my leaders.

But every single one of them ended up in jail because of my bad luck.

A fortune-teller said my birth chart was too powerful, and I'd never find my destined boss in this lifetime unless I tried expanding overseas.

The people over there should be able to take a hit.

So everyone in town pooled their money to send me overseas to study and told me never to come back.

Oh my gosh! Everyone is so nice!

I secretly swore to make my mark overseas!

But...

The bosses overseas don't seem to be any better at taking a hit.

And why does everyone I meet end up dead? I'm putting my whole heart into helping build the boss's empire!

Every time I get a boss killed, I pack up and move on to the next place, afraid I'll get beaten up if I wait too long.

Boo-hoo QAQ

[◆A few tips before you read◆]

★ Yuu is the romanization of You.

★ You is a top-tier fence-sitter who likes whoever is strongest.

★ You is an ungrateful, opportunistic, emotionless, fickle, painfully oblivious, kiss-up-to-the-boss kind of ultimate villain.

★ Every boss will be equally targeted, and they'll all get killed by her bad luck (but they'll come back later).

★ Bosses include both big sisters and big brothers.

★ We'll decide how many bosses to include based on the stats (yeah).

[This story description was screenshotted on June 30, 2026]

Theme: Study hard and keep making progress