On the Possibility of Dating Bai Zai

[Third-person narration] Bai Zai top × a sincere, if not especially bright, bottom

(Enemies, but childhood friends from a young age)

(My take on Yokohama, a comedy, everyone survives, and everyone has been childhood friends since they were little.)

Synopsis:

1.

In the second year after Ranpo and I joined the Port Mafia, we made the most lofty vows imaginable about our sworn enemy's son, the rising star of the Armed Detective Agency, Bai Zai!

Ranpo: I'll replace him and become the world's greatest detective!

Me: I'll seduce him and have a romance that will never end!

Ranpo: Huh?

Me: What?

Ranpo and I stared at each other, neither understanding the other.

2.

The people of Yokohama shared one common understanding: there was a big shot in the Port Mafia pursuing the rising star of the Armed Detective Agency, but their positions were incompatible, their ideals were incompatible, and the rising star Dazai wouldn't agree.

As a result, Yokohama descended into chaos and never knew a moment's peace.

The people of Yokohama: If nothing else works, just get married! Charge the wedding gift money to the Special Division for Unusual Powers.

3.

Later, they got together.

But Yokohama was still in chaos and never knew a moment's peace. A reporter who refused to take no for an answer came to interview them, and the people involved had this to say.

Some guy named Feng (sobbing): Okay, but I'm not soulmates with A-Zhi.

Dazai (calmly): But our bodies are just too compatible.

If your wife won't listen, fuck her once. If that doesn't work, fuck her again.

*

Go on and reach for the crown. If the crown doesn't want you, it'll personally force you back into the dirt.

Warnings:

1. A self-indulgent fic written by a Dazai fan for other Dazai fans. Any out-of-character writing is all my own. Please don't offer unsolicited writing advice.

2. The setting has been heavily changed, with modern technology. (QWQ, the characters use the modern internet and modern phones.)

3. The anime-and-manga flavor may be very strong, so stay alert!

Finally, there's a Dazai from the Special Division for Unusual Powers fic on my profile that's open for advance favorites. It's also a paradise for Dazai fans who are completely devoted to him! Please add it to your favorites (bows).

Theme: Chase your dreams with all your might.