[Football] Bobo, Where's My Bike?

Every coach Charlie has ever had yells at him for scoring a goal, then rewarding himself by tracking back for half an hour.

Until one coach, furious, tells him, “If you love defending so much, you're playing in defense tomorrow.”

Charlie is delighted. The next day, he plays like a sieve, letting goals fly in left and right.

The desperate coach screams at the top of his lungs: “Charlie!!! Shoot!!!”

You'd despair too if you had a striker who never celebrated goals but celebrated every successful tackle three times.

*

Charlie is always getting kicked around.

As a youngster in Australia, kangaroos beat him up. He went to play in South America to escape them, only to get kicked around by the locals on the pitch.

Later, he went to Italy.

The Italian defenders started turning up the heat on him.

TIPS:

* A lot of smut. Anyone can have a thing with anyone, and you can ship any pairing.

* A chaotic series of transfers. He'll stay no more than three years, treating clubs like companies and hopping between them at will. But he won't transfer directly between rival clubs. All breakups are amicable (?). Clubs: Australia → South America → Italy.

* Maybe he'll play for Australia at the international level, but it won't get much focus.

* Updates whenever the author feels like it.

Theme: Australia has 47 million kangaroos