The Trap of Self-Exoneration

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[Chapters containing the side couple are specially marked. A short, sweet little story.]

◾️A straightforward sweet girl x a purehearted dummy

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Li Mian has been feeling a little troubled lately.

Her boyfriend of three months suddenly breaks up with her, then solemnly reveals a secret:

"Mian, I'm actually a vampire."

Li Mian doesn't take him seriously at all. After rejecting his breakup request, she even tells her boyfriend to prove he's a vampire.

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Shen Yan never imagined that when he finally came clean to his girlfriend about the vampire identity he'd been hiding, he'd end up trapped in a prove-it challenge.

So Shen Yan is forced to start listing evidence one thing at a time:

Example 1: His canines are very sharp. Whenever he used to bite Li Mian's lips while they kissed, it was because he was so hungry he was sucking her blood.

Li Mian frowns and rejects this claim: If you're bad at kissing, don't make excuses. If you're that lousy, practice more with me.

Example 2: Vampires hate sunlight, so he hardly ever goes out during the day and only starts being active at night.

Li Mian doesn't care: That's just a vampire's sleep schedule. I do that all the time too.

Example 3: He absolutely hates holy things like garlic and holy water.

Li Mian laughs: What a coincidence. So do I.

After several days of trying to prove himself, Shen Yan realizes that the more evidence he gives, the less Li Mian believes him.

What's more, she keeps declaring, "If you're a vampire, then I'm a succubus!"

This leaves Shen Yan feeling utterly defeated.

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One day, Shen Yan sees a diary in his girlfriend's room:

[I met a really handsome man by chance. I've decided! I'm definitely going to make him mine!]

[Hehe, told you nobody can resist a succubus's charms! Getting a mere human man is a piece of cake!]

[Help, why is there such a purehearted man in this world? He kisses me once and starts blushing and stumbling over his words? This is so much fun, so much fun, so much fun!]

[I'm so full, so full, so full. Every time Shen Yan and I cuddle lately, I get fuller and fuller~ He must be falling for me more and more, hehe!]

[Shen Yan told me he's a vampire. Hahaha, then I'm a succubus~]

When he reaches the end of the diary, Shen Yan sees the latest entry:

[Is Shen Yan impotent?]

And the words "impotent" have been circled in red.

Shen Yan: ...?

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A few things to know:

1. It's mostly everyday life for a young couple. The female lead is a succubus and the male lead is a vampire. ovo

2. There are lots of original takes on succubi and vampires. The idea of erasing memories was inspired by the vampire sketch in The Happy People 2.

3. This is a self-indulgent story, and it does have a side couple, though they don't get much page time. I think they're a reasonable part of the story that helps the plot and relationships develop. If you only want to read about the main couple, I suggest buying chapters individually. If you don't like it, please stop reading.

4. There are lots of silly and not-so-rigorous details. If you're only here for smut, this isn't for you: there's not much, and I'm not very good at writing it either (sighs and lights a cigarette.jpg).

5. Here are my upcoming stories. If you like them, please add them to your favorites.

[1] Why Can My Boyfriend Feel What My Puppy Plushie Feels?

Gu Yunran has a boyfriend named Mu Bai.

On their first anniversary, she receives a plush toy from Mu Bai, who's away on a business trip.

It's a half-meter-tall stuffed toy that looks a little like a puppy.

She happily tells her boyfriend she's received the puppy he sent, only for him to insist:

It's a wolf.

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As a plushie enthusiast, Gu Yunran loves the toy Mu Bai sent her.

Aside from its soft, fluffy feel, she especially likes the plush puppy's deep blue eyes.

They always seem to sparkle, and they look a lot like Mu Bai's eyes when he looks at her.

The day she accidentally discovers that her boyfriend seems to share sensations with the puppy plushie, Gu Yunran looks at his suddenly flushed face and, on a mischievous whim, gives the plushie's tail a couple of firm strokes.

The next second, she hears Mu Bai let out a muffled groan.

The corners of his eyes turn faintly red, and he lets out a couple of breathless gasps, as if he can't hold them back.

Wondering about Mu Bai's reaction, Gu Yunran turns to look at him, only to see a fluffy tail suddenly appear behind him.

Gu Yunran: ...!!!

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On her 389th day with Mu Bai, Gu Yunran learns several things from her boyfriend:

1. He really isn't human. He's a dog spirit whose true form is a silver wolf.

2. The puppy plushie she loves is made from fur from his true form.

3. The plushie can share sensations with him because he made it that way on purpose.

4. He fell in love with her at first sight, years ago, when he was still a clumsy little wolf who didn't know how to hide his animal ears.

[2] Who's Stalking My Weibo?!

Since becoming single again, Wen Shuyu has kept seeing a blurry, anonymous avatar visit the Weibo account she uses to rant.

At first, Wen Shuyu doesn't pay it much attention.

That is, until the avatar keeps visiting for two whole weeks.

Who could it be?

Curiosity gets the better of her. Wen Shuyu grits her teeth, closes her eyes, and buys a membership for her account.

In an instant, the blurry avatar resolves into a smug, grinning soybean-face emoji, along with a string of scrambled characters for an ID.

After staring wide-eyed at the arrogant, ridiculous soybean face for several seconds, Wen Shuyu clicks into the person's profile, curious.

The person's bio reads:

[No dummy would buy a membership just because of me, right? Right?]

The dummy Wen Shuyu falls silent for a moment.

Clearly, this was a trap set just for her.

Caught off guard by the insult, Wen Shuyu feels her fists clench tight. She immediately gives the hateful soybean face two hard punches on her phone screen.

After taking several deep breaths to calm down, Wen Shuyu considers the person's behavior and quickly comes up with two suspects:

Suspect number one is Wen Shuyu's childhood friend, and her first love.

A jerk who's aloof in public but clingy in private, with an overly controlling streak when it comes to her.

Suspect number two is Wen Shuyu's online boyfriend, and her ex.

A top-tier gamer she met through a game, with skills good enough to carry her to victory in minutes, but also a possessive jerk who loves stalking her game records.

The funny thing is, the last character in both men's real names on their WeChat payment accounts is "Yan."

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On the day her secret identity is exposed, Shen Zhiyan looks at Wen Shuyu's mock-accusing gaze and smiles brightly.

"Yes, it was me all along."

"But didn't you figure it out ages ago?"

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A clingy jerk x a clueless, dishonest puppy

Theme: Love can overcome anything.