Thirty Days of Memories: The Unfading Moonlight Between Us

A multi-protagonist account of everyday life. You can think of this novel as a memoir of my first thirty years.

Some parts are dramatized like a novel, but the feelings are real.

Blurb:

They say that for thirty years, I've been chasing a light I could never reach. But only I know that the people hidden in my memories became cinnabar moles etched into my very bones long ago.

At fifteen, Lin Yu was the boy I was willing to change my college preferences for, just to get closer to him. We pushed each other to break into the top three in class so we could sit together. The secret echo between "Abyss" and "Struggle" in our social media bios could never overcome the way he became a stranger after starting school. The "I like you" I never said that year became the most painful foreshadowing of my youth.

At twenty, Jiang Xuyan told me at the taekwondo gym, "You're my one and only student." He helped me through the darkness after my father died, but disappeared without a word just as I was closing in on my black belt. All he left behind was, "There's a difference between a student and a disciple." I clutched my green-and-blue belt and gave up taekwondo for ten years.

At twenty-one, Su Mu became the reason I squeezed onto a high-speed train to Hangzhou every month. He shone like a star in his livestreams. But after he cheated, his apologies and attempts to win me back only made me see that this crush, which began with his looks, was destined to be a hollow fantasy.

I thought I'd be trapped in my memories for the rest of my life, until I met Shen Zhiyao at twenty-four.

He stood by me when I came out to my family, took me to meet his parents, and accompanied me in peace as I paid respects at my father's memorial tablet. The hurdles my first two partners couldn't overcome, he crossed with ease. I thought I could finally settle down, but at thirty, a "Wear something warm, it's cold" from my post-2000-born coach Lu Xingye kept me awake at night. Then, at the end of the year, a boy with a youthful air asked, "Are you two a couple?" and threw my heart into turmoil again.

For thirty years, the unreachable moon and the cinnabar mole have been intertwined, until Shen Zhiyao takes my hand and says, "The past may not have burned out, but I'll burn it into our future with you."

It turns out true salvation isn't about chasing the light. It's about someone willing to become the light for you.

Interactive mini-scenes

Mini-scene 1: Age 15, Lin Yu's "Classmate Pact"

The lights in the evening study hall cast a drowsy glow. I poked Lin Yu, who sat in front of me, and passed him a note that read, "Let's make the top three in the next monthly exam, and then we can sit together." He turned around, his lashes casting faint shadows beneath his eyes. His pen paused over the note before he added, "The loser has to tutor the other for a month," then slipped it back to me.

Later, when I stayed up late doing practice problems, he secretly left warm milk by the corner of my desk. When I helped him out by answering a teacher's question, he drew a little sun for me on his scratch paper. But the day we got our report cards, he suddenly started keeping his distance. I clutched the note full of promises and called after him at the end of the hall. "Lin Yu, what about our deal to sit together...?"

He paused but didn't turn around. "Don't be silly. You need to focus on studying." The wind scattered his words, and I finally noticed half a love letter from a girl sticking out of his uniform pocket.

Mini-scene 2: Age 20, Jiang Xuyan's "Promise to His Disciple"

The taekwondo gym smelled of sweat and blood. A black-belt student kicked me to the floor. Jiang Xuyan came over and pulled me up, tapping my green-and-blue belt with his knuckles. "Want to win? Then quit complaining about the pain."

After that, he kept me behind for extra practice every day. He always bought me milk tea with just a little sugar, and during sparring he'd deliberately leave an opening so I could land a hit. But just as I started congratulating myself, he'd kick me back onto the mat. "Remember, a disciple has to be stronger than the master."

I clutched the black-belt training manual he'd given me and said earnestly, "Coach Jiang, don't regret taking me on." He smiled and ruffled my hair. "When you get your black belt, I'll treat you to everything on the whole street."

But the next day, all that remained at the gym was the manual he'd left behind. The receptionist said he'd gone back to his hometown to open a gym and hadn't left any contact information. I sat in the empty gym, clutching the manual, and suddenly my eyes burned. He still hadn't seen that I could already beat the black belts.

Mini-scene 3: Age 24, Shen Zhiyao's "Promise Before My Father's Memorial Tablet"

The incense at Yufuo Temple hung heavy in the air. I held Shen Zhiyao's hand as we stood before my father's memorial tablet, my heart pounding uncontrollably. When my first two partners came here, one looked impatient and the other made excuses to avoid it. Shen Zhiyao gently patted my back, then bowed to offer incense to my father.

"Uncle, I'm Shen Zhiyao," he said softly, but with conviction. "I'll take good care of him from now on. I won't let him be sad alone again."

My eyes suddenly filled with tears, and I reached out to hug him. He rubbed my back and whispered in my ear, "Don't be afraid. I'll come here with you whenever you want." Sunlight streamed through the window lattice and fell on our clasped hands. In that moment, I understood that true peace of mind is having someone willing to face the pain of your past with you.

Theme: Some love lies buried deep beneath the stars.