[Hebrew Mythology] The Archangel Doesn't Want to Be Everyone's Crush

Note: This is pure entertainment, not research, and the setting isn't very rigorous. Think of it as the author's take on an existing work.

CP: Lucifer and Michael. The author is illiterate, and I'm writing this kind of ridiculous nonsense, so please cut me some slack.

I couldn't write before, and I'm still not much good at it. I don't recommend checking out my other works. If this breaks your brain, don't come yell at me, or I'll crack up. ()

1

Your name is Michael, and you are one of the many seraphim in the highest heaven.

Your days are perfectly ordinary, until one day you learn by chance that your friend Lucifer, God's favorite, has a universal heartthrob aura.

You think that's great. After all, you're not the one receiving nonsensical love letters every day and enduring everyone's constant attention from all directions. All you have to do is watch the drama unfold and occasionally offer a little comfort to Lucifer when the pressure gets too much and he comes to your place to get away from it all.

Everything is perfect, until Lucifer visits so often that you somehow become everyone's romantic rival.

You're pretty annoyed, because all you've done is try not to laugh while chatting with him.

That's how the universal heartthrob aura works.

At last, one day, after working diligently all day and then having to dodge all kinds of attention after clocking out, Lucifer, who hasn't had a single peaceful day in 365 days, quits and runs off to Hell to become its king.

His heartthrob aura takes a whole host of followers with him, dealing a huge blow to Heaven. After the chaos finally settles, God, who has woken up for once, personally names you as his successor.

You've already cleaned up most of the mess, so you figure that work is work, whether you're doing one person's job or another's. It's just a change of workplace.

You stay calm until, after taking over as chief seraph, you discover that this accursed aura is bound not to a person, but to a position!

Now you're the new heartthrob.

2

Your name is Lucifer. You used to be the chief seraph before God, but now you've changed your name to Satan and switched jobs to become the king of Hell.

It's complicated. Partly because God became a hands-off ruler after creating the world, leaving you working overtime every day, and partly because that mysteriously appearing aura was just too annoying.

In this world, everyone is affected by the aura. There's only one friend who's completely immune: he won't randomly hand you love letters or watch your every move from every angle, making wild guesses about what you're thinking.

Only when you're with him does your world get a little quiet.

The good news is that Michael is one of the few normal people.

The bad news is that he's so normal he doesn't get your hints at all.

...What a useless aura. It doesn't work where it should.

In a fit of anger, you run off to Hell.

The new good news is that you're no longer the heartthrob.

The new bad news is that the aura hasn't disappeared. It just moves to someone else.

Now Michael is the one receiving hundreds of love letters every day.

You realize you're even more annoyed than before.

Theme: Falling in love.