Siheyuan Novels with a Powerful Identity from the Start, No Doormat Hero 开局有强大身份的四合院文，不圣母，

1. 201 四 Siheyuan: I'm the Head of Security, and I Specialize in Killing Beasts 四合院：我保卫科长，专杀禽兽 Didididida滴滴滴滴达Male-Channel Fanfiction335k WordsCompleted After waking up, Chen Weijun discovers that he has transmigrated into the world of Birds Fill the Courtyard. He is gravely ill and bedridden, while the scoundrels in the courtyard are plotting to seize his property. Fortunately, Chen Weijun awakens a System and makes a full recovery. Not a single one of these scoundrels will get away. He'll send every last one of them to prison. But this is only the beginning: Chen Weijun rises to become head of the security department, dedicated to taking down 7kReads6.8Score239Shelves
2. 202 四 Siheyuan: Face-Slapping the Entire Courtyard and Stealing Lou Xiao'e Away 四合院打脸全院截胡娄晓娥 Zhou Yuan, Who Loves Tofu Stuffed with Meat爱吃豆腐酿的周元Male-Channel Fanfiction232k WordsOngoing System + transmigration + torment and face-slapping + control of the whole situation + reaping the rewards Reborn in 1958, he starts working at the steel mill and moves into a courtyard house. With a System and an all-seeing perspective, how will he deal with the vermin in the courtyard... 20.4kReads5.9Score646Shelves

   Reader note

   This book is very good.

3. 203 四 Siheyuan: Master of Medicinal Cuisine, Starting in 1950 四合院：1950开始的药膳宗师 Chen Shi Loves Eating Immortal Side Dishes爱吃神仙小菜的陈石Male-Channel Fanfiction551k WordsOngoing A Siheyuan story with multiple heroines and low hostility, where troublemakers are punished! He steals Qin Huairu away when she's young, rewriting her tragic life against all odds. Situ Qian, the heiress of an overseas Hongmen family and his childhood sweetheart, sisters Lou Xiao'e and Lou Xiaoqing, savvy businesswoman Chen Xueru, and cool-headed factory doctor Ding Qiunan all gradually fall for him. Li Siguo possesses peerless medicinal cuisine and medical skills, along with the power of a mas 4.2kReads—Score241Shelves

   Reader note

   Slow pace, low aggression

4. 204 四 Siheyuan: A Carpenter Moves into the Courtyard 四合院：院里来了个木匠 The Silent Falling Leaves落叶无声的Male-Channel Fanfiction770k WordsOngoing He transmigrates into Love in the Courtyard and becomes a level-two carpenter, one of the Eight Great Tradesmen. Faced with the whole courtyard full of scheming neighbors, Jiang Chen just wants to live in peace. You can plot your schemes, and I'll live my life. When Qin Huairu comes over to borrow something, he makes her write an IOU. When Jia Zhangshi throws a tantrum and refuses to take no for an answer, he reports her to the authorities. When Xu Damao tries to sow discord, Jiang Chen shuts 6Reads—Score—Shelves

   Reader note

   A novel about a courtyard house.

5. 205 四 Siheyuan: I Can Check In for Rewards Without Limit 四合院，我能无限打卡 Lord of Dichen Pavilion谛宸阁主Male-Channel Fanfiction40k WordsCompleted After transmigrating to a Beijing courtyard in the 1960s, Li Ping'an awakens a farm sign-in System when he is left helpless by the deaths of both his parents. From then on, he begins his journey to turn his life around in a hutong where the absurd and the heartwarming go hand in hand. Signing in every day brings him skills and supplies, from master-level fishing to the peak of the Bright Force stage in Xingyi boxing, and from a bag of seeds to a System space that expands without limit. Every ste —Reads—Score—Shelves

   Reader note

   The new book by Siheyuan is really good.

6. 206 四 Siheyuan: The Whole Courtyard Wants to Bully the Orphan? I’ll Wipe Them All Out 四合院：全院吃绝户？我反手团灭 Xinghe Saves Themself星禾自渡Male-Channel Fanfiction1.4M WordsCompleted [Siheyuan + tormenting the beasts + no forgiveness + instant payback] Li Fan unexpectedly transmigrates into a Siheyuan where everyone is a villain. The original Li Fan had a happy family, but after the courtyard’s vile residents schemed against him, his family was destroyed and everyone he loved was killed. After transmigrating, Li Fan awakens the Shadow Clone ability. Faced with a courtyard full of villains who love scheming against others, he settles the score with them one by one. From the 1.7kReads6.2Score101Shelves
7. 207 四 Siheyuan: Starting by Stealing Lou Xiao'e Away 四合院，从截胡娄晓娥开始 Midnight Scavenger深夜拾荒者Male-Channel Fanfiction142k WordsCompleted In the resource-strapped 1960s, schemes and desires run rampant in the courtyard. Li Hao, recently returned from military service, was once a marginalized figure who everyone bullied. But after awakening the “Super Growth System,” he gets a new chance. He beats Xu Damao to Lou Xiaoe, saving her from the trap of marrying him, then uses the System to build up capital step by step, from improving everyday goods to launching a food-processing business. As policies loosen, he seizes the opportunity t —Reads—Score—Shelves
8. 208 四 Siheyuan: I Have a Pocket Dimension 四合院，我有一座随身空间 Shrimp Who Loves Pineapple爱吃菠萝的虾Male-Channel Fanfiction11k WordsCompleted Chen Xiangdong wakes up one day to find himself a trapped beast in a Beijing courtyard. The year is 1965, and the place is No. 95 Nanluoguxiang. This three-courtyard residence may look like a picture of everyday life, but it is really an arena for human nature. Yi Zhonghai, the so-called “Moral Saint,” pressures him to give up his home in the name of the collective. Qin Huairu begs for help while hiding her schemes. Xu Damao stirs up trouble from the sidelines, and Silly Zhu watches him with fis —Reads—Score—Shelves
9. 209 转 Reincarnated in the Siheyuan, Starting Out Invincible 转生从四合院开始无敌 Start Over Again重开再来Male-Channel Fanfiction613k WordsOngoing After Lin Yuan was discovered copying a heaven-defying talent in a reincarnation world, he was hunted down. At the critical moment, he transmigrated from the reincarnation world to a courtyard compound, where he discovered that talents could synergize with one another, creating exponential growth like a perpetual motion machine. Awakened Talent: [Echo Replication] First Talent Copied: [Creation at a Thought] Create a divine kingdom within the depths of the soul. Second Talent Copied: [A Thousand 4.1kReads5.5Score453Shelves

   Reader note

   This courtyard-themed novel really suits my taste. The story starts by dealing with the transmigrated soul trying to steal my body and acquiring two overpowered abilities. It doesn't rely on constantly fighting for satisfying moments; instead, it focuses on quiet development. Characters like Yi Zhonghai and Jia Zhangshi retain their true nature, but with added realistic portrayals of helplessness. The conflicts aren't melodramatic, making it suitable for those who enjoy a slower pace.

10. 210 四 Siheyuan: I Wield My Brush and Stir Up the Storm 四合院：执笔搅风云 Picking Up Words Among the Pines松间拾字Male-Channel Fanfiction964k WordsOngoing Reborn in 1952, Wang Ping'an transmigrates to Courtyard No. 95 on Nanluoguxiang. Alone in the world, he seems like a timid, easily bullied orphan to his neighbors. He makes a living writing articles and stories, often drawing on the people and events in the courtyard for inspiration. Anyone who deliberately gives him a hard time or schemes against him ends up as a villain in one of his stories, and the rumors soon spread throughout the entire compound. Everyone assumes he is a helpless writer, 8.2kReads5.4Score264Shelves

    Reader note

    This book about courtyard houses is definitely worth reading; it's full of exciting moments! [Laughs]

11. 211 1 1938: Purification 1938，净化 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了Urban1.6M WordsOngoing This is a book about killing Japanese invaders. I hope you enjoy it! The hatred of a nation and the vendettas of families must be passed down from generation to generation! Never forget, not even for a single day. Remember this! In the not-too-distant future, our wish is sure to come true! Let us encourage one another! 3.3kReads—Score274Shelves

    Reader note

    You can try the new book.

12. 212 他 His, Hers, and the Thin Paper Between Them 他.她.窗户纸 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了6k WordsCompleted He. She. The Thin Veil Between Them. 83Reads—Score—Shelves
13. 213 欺 Deception and Catching Them in the Act 欺骗.捉奸 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了7k WordsCompleted Deception. Catching Them in the Act 45Reads—Score—Shelves
14. 214 投 Poisoning 投毒 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了6k WordsCompleted Poisoning 91Reads—Score—Shelves
15. 215 问 Conquering the Realm, Part One: The Jizhou Tripod 问鼎天下第一部之冀州鼎 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了75k WordsCompleted Conquering the World, Part One: The Jizhou Tripod 261Reads—Score—Shelves
16. 216 遇 After Meeting Qi Tongwei, Things Took One Wild Turn After Another 遇到祁同伟后，那真是跌宕起伏啊 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了46k WordsCompleted After meeting Qi Tongwei, things took one wild turn after another. 148Reads—Score—Shelves
17. 217 以 I Thought I Was the Protagonist, but Turns Out I’m Just an Extra 以为是主角，谁知是个打酱油的 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了72k WordsCompleted Thought I was the protagonist, but it turns out I'm just a bit player 156Reads—Score—Shelves
18. 218 四 Siheyuan: Silly Zhu, We’ll Get Revenge for You 四合院：傻柱，这仇咱替你报了 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了92k WordsCompleted Siheyuan: Silly Zhu, we'll help you get your revenge 901Reads—Score—Shelves
19. 219 四 Siheyuan: Our Damai Won’t Take This Lying Down 四合院：咱大茂绝不憋屈 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了87k WordsCompleted Siheyuan: Our Da Mao refuses to be pushed around 211Reads—Score—Shelves
20. 220 重 Reborn in the 1960s, I Made the System My Godfather. Who’d Eat Rotten Meat Now? 重生60年代，拜系统为义父，谁还吃臭肉 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了95k WordsCompleted Reborn in the 1960s, I take the System as my godfather. Who still eats rotten meat? 142Reads—Score—Shelves
21. 221 末 The Apocalypse Doesn’t Exist, Because I’m Mentally Ill 末日，不存在的，因为我是精神病 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了80k WordsCompleted The apocalypse doesn't exist, because I'm mentally ill 114Reads—Score—Shelves
22. 222 高 High Martial: System 250, My Qi and Blood Are Soaring 高武：系统250，气血嘎嘎涨 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了Male-Channel Fanfiction74k WordsCompleted High Martial: System 250, my blood energy is surging 141Reads—Score—Shelves
23. 223 四 Siheyuan: The Simp Killed the White Lotus, All in the Name of Harmony 四合院：舔狗杀了白莲花，主打一个和睦 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了84k WordsCompleted Siheyuan: The simp kills the white lotus, all in the name of harmony 196Reads—Score—Shelves
24. 224 游 When the Game Descended, the Simp Awakened and Became Invincible 游戏降临，舔狗觉醒后无敌了 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了60k WordsCompleted The game arrives, and after the simp awakens, he becomes invincible 118Reads—Score—Shelves
25. 225 修 Is Cultivating Immortality Hard? You Can Do It with Just Your Hands 修仙难吗？还不是有手就行 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了67k WordsCompleted Is cultivating immortality hard? You can do it as long as you have hands 78Reads—Score—Shelves
26. 226 瑞 Rui Guan: The Void 瑞冠虚无 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了Urban1.5M WordsCompleted I was born in the central Hebei plain in 1922. Ever since I was little, demons and monsters had their eyes on me, but luckily an old woman secretly protected me. On my seventh birthday, a cat's piercing cry rang through the sky... From that day on, I embarked on a strange and dazzling path into the void! This is my true story. You can also read it as a novel, but don't connect it to reality, because this is a parallel world. 108Reads—Score—Shelves
27. 227 四 Siheyuan: The Unsung Hero Builds the Ultimate Life 四合院：老六加持，打造最强人生 Inch of Light寸芒Male-Channel Fanfiction1.8M WordsCompleted [Siheyuan Courtyard + Shameless Old Sixth System + Strengthening the Nation Through Science and Technology + Putting the Courtyard's Vermin in Their Place] Li Jianxun arrives in the 1950s or 60s. From the start, he not only becomes the heir to a revolutionary family, but also gets the Shameless Old Sixth System, the strongest sign-in system. The catch? It can only be activated in a siheyuan courtyard overrun with pests. “Ding! Daily sign-in reward: ten big black ten-yuan notes.” “Ding! Monthly s 25kReads7.9Score1.2kShelves

    Reader note

    Shocking! Li Jianxun transmigrates into a traditional courtyard house, becoming the heir of a revolutionary family and bound to the "Sixth Brother System." Signing in daily yields access to steelmaking laws, factories, and more. He's involved in both combating prostitution and promoting national technological advancement. Click to see more!

28. 228 养 The Retirement Crew Falls Apart, and the Siheyuan Disbands 养老团覆灭，四合院解散 Wandering the Jianghu江湖行Historical771k WordsOngoing Silly Zhu? Off to the hospital! The Lid King? Off to dig sand! Jia Zhangshi? Off to labor camp! Yang Weimin? Off to write a self-criticism! All right, Deaf Granny, Yi Zhonghai, and that Qin Bailian too. Now let’s see you put on a show! Characters and plotlines from other TV dramas are brought in purely to add more people and make the story richer. Please don’t nitpick whether the timelines line up or the characters overlap. The acting world is a small place, so just pretend not to notice when o 3.2kReads5.3Score102Shelves

    Reader note

    Sha Zhu, hospitalized. Gai Zi Wang, working in the sand mines in the Northwest. Jia Zhangshi, imprisoned in Qinghe. Yang Weimin, transferred for inspection. Deaf old lady Yi Zhonghai, and that Qin Bailian, have you decided where you're going?

29. 229 开 From the Start in the Siheyuan: Fishing Across the Myriad Heavens, Invincible in Every World 开局四合院：垂钓诸天，无敌万界 A Sword Pledged to Eternal Life一剑寄长生Male-Channel Fanfiction1.0M WordsOngoing [The Blue Star's Only Supernatural Being | Fishing in the Myriad Heavens | Conquering the Myriad Worlds | Multiple Heroines] No misery, no angst, just a lighthearted, relaxing story. After transmigrating into Love in the Courtyard, Lin Xingchen awakens the Fishing in the Myriad Heavens System! No painstaking cultivation, no grinding levels. With a flick of his hand and a cast of his line, all the opportunities, ultimate physiques, god-tier techniques, and peerless treasures of the Myriad Heavens 35.6kReads6.7Score2.6kShelves

    Reader note

    A story about traversing countless worlds, an invincible protagonist, starting by intercepting Qin Huairu, light and relaxing, without any frustration, and featuring a ton of female leads [laughs].

30. 230 半 Half a Life on the Wrong Road 半生歧途 Eggplant Casserole风味茄子煲Urban225k WordsCompleted Beneath the bustle of everyday life, undercurrents stir, as human relationships and rules become entangled. Hidden webs of self-interest and illicit dealings quietly erode the foundations of order. When ideals are tested by reality, and temptation besieges people’s original convictions, some lose their way and sink, while others step forward. A long, arduous campaign against corruption tears away layers of disguise and restores justice to the world. 47Reads—Score—Shelves

    Reader note

    A courtyard house novel worth reading! [Flying kiss]

31. 231 四 Siheyuan: I Protect the Destiny of the Dragon Kingdom 四合院：我为龙国镇国运 Midheaven天之中Male-Channel Fanfiction1.2M WordsCompleted Transmigrated to 1956, Bullied by the Whole Courtyard from the Start? No Problem, I Have a Bugged System! In 1956, in a Beijing courtyard house known as Red Star Courtyard. Eighteen-year-old Lin Chen inherits his late father’s home. As the son of a fallen national hero, he should be honored, yet a bunch of awful neighbors bully him so badly they practically take a dump on his head! Jia Zhangshi wants to steal his house? He’ll make her kneel and call him Dad! Qin Huairu wants to freeload? He’ll 40Reads—Score103Shelves

    Reader note

    A very powerful courtyard house

32. 232 问 Conquering the Realm, Part Four: In Search of the Tripods 问鼎天下第四部之寻鼎记 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了16k WordsCompleted Conquering the World, Part Four: The Quest for the Tripod 31Reads—Score—Shelves

    Reader note

    Good books await your discovery

33. 233 问 Conquering the Realm, Part Three: The Yongzhou Tripod 问鼎天下第三部之雍州鼎 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了31k WordsCompleted Conquering the World, Part Three: The Yongzhou Tripod 12Reads—Score—Shelves
34. 234 问 Conquering the Realm, Part Two: The Yuzhou Tripod 问鼎天下第二部之豫州鼎 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了47k WordsCompleted Conquering the World, Part Two: The Yuzhou Tripod 32Reads—Score—Shelves
35. 235 穿 I Transmigrated with a Braised Egg and Became a Princess in the Continent of Hanyue 穿越，带着卤蛋当公主，大陆翰月 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了75k WordsCompleted Transmigrate, bring a braised egg and become a princess, on the Hanyue Continent 38Reads—Score—Shelves

    Reader note

    A captivating, original, and incredibly satisfying novel.

36. 236 我 I Came Here to Fight for the Emperor’s Favor, So Why Are You Making Me Fight Zombies? 我是来宫斗的，你却让我打僵尸 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了Mystery72k WordsCompleted I came here to fight palace intrigue, but you want me to fight zombies. 35Reads—Score—Shelves
37. 237 七 After Seven Rebirths, I Was Spoiled Rotten, Yu Yutianmo 七次重生后我被宠上天雨宇天墨 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了Ancient Romance99k WordsCompleted After Being Reborn Seven Times, I Was Doted on by Everyone, by Yu Yutianmo 34Reads—Score—Shelves
38. 238 问 Claiming the Throne of the World, Part Nine: The Jingzhou Ding 问鼎天下第九部之荆州鼎 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了20k WordsCompleted Claiming the World, Book 9: The Jingzhou Ding 53Reads—Score—Shelves
39. 239 问 Conquering the Realm, Part Five: The Yanzhou Tripod 问鼎天下第五部之兖州鼎 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了27k WordsCompleted Conquering the World, Part Five: The Yanzhou Tripod 18Reads—Score—Shelves
40. 240 问 Conquering the Realm, Part Six: The Xuzhou Tripod 问鼎天下第六部之徐州鼎 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了16k WordsCompleted Conquering the World, Part Six: The Xuzhou Tripod 22Reads—Score—Shelves
41. 241 问 Conquering the Realm, Part Seven: The Qingzhou Tripod 问鼎天下第七部之青州鼎 The Little Chick Is Here小鸡来了26k WordsCompleted Conquering the World, Part Seven: The Qingzhou Tripod 39Reads—Score—Shelves
42. 242 我 I, He Daqing! Mount Fuji: A Mountain God? 我，何大清！富士山：山神？ Li Xiaofeng, Who Loves Yao Hu Ancient Wine爱吃瑶瓠古酒的李晓峰Male-Channel Fanfiction354k WordsCompleted He Daqing, an archaeologist, pricks his finger on a bronze ring while cleaning a tomb. He transmigrates into the world of the courtyard house and activates the Mountain God Inheritance System, becoming the Mountain God of Mount Fuji! Determined to escape the fate laid out for him, He Daqing makes arrangements for his children, then resolutely joins the Volunteer Army and heads to the Korean War front, where he writes a legendary tale! 3.1kReads6.8Score133Shelves
43. 243 末 End of the World: Everyone Around Me Is Reborn! 末世终结者：我身边都是重生者！ Carefree All My Life一生任逍遥Sci-Fi & Apocalypse124k WordsOngoing A good person for nine lifetimes: Jiu Shi! A bug in the Underworld Management System caused Jiu Shi to die young. To console Jiu Shi and keep him from turning evil, King Yama promised him a chance to be reborn, but the only world available was one in the apocalypse… With no hope of returning to his original body, Jiu Shi had no choice but to accept reality and bargain with King Yama. He secured three perks: a Devil Fruit, a vial of super-soldier serum, and a fragment of the Law of Time. And so J —Reads—Score—Shelves
44. 244 年 Growing Up in a Bygone Era 年代中的成长 Ming Xu San Jia明旭三佳Male-Channel Fanfiction1.8M WordsCompleted A period drama, a piece of history! Step into that era and witness it together! Different lives, different stories! Ordinary days unfold with all kinds of joys and sorrows! Here I come, here I look! Growing alongside the times! 303Reads7.4Score146Shelves

    Reader note

    [Cool][Cool][Cool]

45. 245 我 I'm the Living King of Hell in the Siheyuan 我在四合院当活阎王 Sky-Splitting Gang Security Captain炸天帮保安队长Male-Channel Fanfiction1.9M WordsCompleted After transmigrating as a hotheaded soldier, I transfer to the capital, take a job at a steel mill, marry Liu Tianxian, and move into Courtyard No. 95. When trouble comes, I don’t waste time talking. I just get things done. In my domain, my rules are the rules. (｡•ˇ‸ˇ•｡) I crush everyone in my path and charge ahead without hesitation. Anyone who dares bully my wife, just you wait... 406Reads6.7Score100Shelves

    Reader note

    He stood at the highest point.

46. 246 在 Passing Myself Off as a Rich Returnee in the 1980s 在八零伪装回国土豪 Strive for Happiness努力幸福Urban1.5M WordsOngoing Su Tianci, an ordinary working stiff for 25 years, spends his free time exploring the wilderness. By chance, he discovers a box full of U.S. dollars. Overjoyed, Su Tianci starts dreaming about where to go for a meat-stuffed flatbread. But before he can even celebrate, he slips and inexplicably tumbles off a cliff. When he comes to again, he has somehow arrived in an era full of opportunity… 7.4kReads5.8Score297Shelves

    Reader note

    Historically, I have collaborated with Wang Yu.

47. 247 双 A Double Crossing to Make a Fortune in Republican-Era China 双穿之民国淘金 Striving to Stay Alive8888努力活着8888Urban3.3M WordsOngoing Li Xiaren had spent 25 years as a wage slave, living at the bottom of society and crushed by the pressure of making ends meet. No matter how hard he worked to earn money, he still couldn't afford a home of his own. Even his longtime girlfriend left him. Downhearted, he finally managed to collect the wages he'd been owed and planned to head to Tian Shang Ren Jian for a stuffed flatbread. But who could have guessed? A ball of lightning struck him and sent him straight back to a turbulent era. More 532Reads7.7Score135Shelves
48. 248 两 Traveling Between Two Worlds: The 1970s 两界穿梭之七零年代 Trying to Stay Alive2努力活着2Urban3.2M WordsOngoing Wu Xiaoyao is a working-class nobody, a corporate drudge who likes to unwind by grilling skewers and letting loose whenever he has a bit of free time. But an out-of-control dump truck sends him hurtling back to the fiery age of the 1970s. What surprises him is that he can travel back and forth between the seventies and 2025. Two completely different eras now lie before him. 131Reads7.6Score—Shelves
49. 249 穿 Transmigrating to the 1960s: The Rise of a Nation 穿越六零之民族崛起 Strive for Happiness努力幸福Urban142k WordsOngoing Su Tianci was a graduate of a top university, but despite his excellent grades, someone else took his place. With no other options, he donned the iconic delivery uniform and started delivering food. But when it rains, it pours. On the road while making a delivery, he ran into a menace on wheels: a heavy truck. With the truck’s buff in effect, he resolutely joined the transmigration brigade… 161Reads—Score—Shelves
50. 250 两 Traveling Between Two Worlds: The Red-Hot Years 两界穿梭之火红年代 Trying to Stay Alive 999努力活着999Urban2.9M WordsOngoing Li Xiaren is an ordinary office worker, trudging through grueling days that start at eight in the morning and end at midnight. One day, after finally getting several months of back pay, he plans to give himself a well-deserved break. Who could have guessed that eating a grilled kidney for no apparent reason would send him back to the 1970s when he woke up? Luckily, he discovers he can return to 2025, and so two completely different eras open up before him!!! 254Reads7.6Score101Shelves

Other lists with Siheyuan: I'm the Head of Security, and I Specialize in Killing Beasts