Northeast Chinese Shaman: Two Weasels Possess Me from the Start

[No Female Lead]+ [Northeast China’s Five Immortals]+ [Chinese Folklore and the Supernatural]

When I was eight, I saw two weasels fighting and couldn’t resist running my mouth.

“Stop fighting, stop fighting! You both look just like people to me!”

A bolt of heavenly lightning struck. The bodies of the two Yellow Immortals were destroyed on the spot, and their battered souls burrowed into my body.

One was Huang Tianji, the scholarly immortal: vicious and sharp-tongued.

He’d open his mouth and say, “Is your brain made of tofu scraps or what?”

The other was Huang Tianba, the warrior immortal: a hotheaded brute who swore in a thick Northeastern accent.

He’d start with, “You dumbass, quit wasting your breath. I’ll go over there and twist his head off so we can kick it around like a ball.”

That night, my grandfather’s enemy came to our home and slaughtered my entire family. I was the only one left alive.

Ten years later, I was still living with my aunt when the two old geezers in my body recovered a tenth of their cultivation and started pressuring me to establish an altar for them.

They wanted me to help people read their fortunes, ward off evil, and avert disasters, earning merit so they could regain their powers.

From then on, I had to set out everything on the altar in pairs and burn incense by the rules, making me a laughingstock in Northeastern China.

But the people who slaughtered my family never stopped looking for me.

My grandfather’s corpse-stitching needles, the two immortals inside me who couldn’t stop fighting, and the truth behind the massacre, which only grew darker the deeper I dug, all came one after another…

What the hell did I do in my past life to deserve this?