I Have a Pen That Can Sign Contracts with the Supernatural

Rules-based horror descends, and I transmigrate into a doomed cannon-fodder character. In my despair, I find an antique fountain pen. It tells me that anything can be bound by contract. So when the red-clad ghost comes to claim my life, I hand her a labor dispatch contract. “Miss, killing people won’t get you far. Why not come work as a receptionist at my company? Room and board included, plus all five kinds of social insurance and the housing fund.” When the unstoppable spirit of the pen asks how I want to die, I spread out an equity incentive agreement. “Cut it out. Buy into my company, and your year-end dividends will be enough to buy this whole city.”