From the Start, I Turned the Tables on Pan Jinlian, and Wu Dalang Refused to Be a Sucker

I transmigrated into Wu Dalang, the most pathetic wretch in Water Margin.

I open my eyes to find Pan Jinlian feeding me poison, and close them to hear Xi Men Qing's taunts.

They all think I'm still that tiny weakling they can push around.

But this time, I'll show them what it means when the King of Hell says you'll die at the third watch, but I dare keep you alive until the fifth!

Pan Jinlian brings me poison? I seize her wrist and turn the deadly drug into sweet honey that makes her submit.

Xi Men Qing wants to take my property? I gladly accept his fortune, and take over his wives and concubines, too.

Song Jiang wants to use me as a stepping stone to Liangshan? I'll strip him of his entire crew and turn the Liangshan marsh into a stronghold of the Wu clan!

Li Kui goes on a killing spree? Execute him!

Wang Ying lusts after women? Castrate him!

Wu Yong schemes against me? Ruin him!

Dong Ping betrays his allies? Put him to death!

When Emperor Zhao trembles on his throne and the Jurchen cavalry flee at the sight of my banner,

my tiger-slaying brother Wu Song, carrying the banner of “Heaven's justice,” asks me: “Brother, shall we claim this realm for ourselves?”