Marvel: I Have a Superpower List

Held up by bank robbers from the start. What should I do? Need an answer online, urgent!

How about... charging in headfirst?

"Hey, wait, what's this list of superpowers?"

"I can put up with the ability to disarm anyone barehanded, and I can understand a passive shoulder throw, but what the heck is this 'Jigong rolling mud into pills' thing? Can someone explain?"

I'm no good at writing introductions, so just read the story...

This novel and its characters are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is purely coincidental. Do not imitate.