Fortune-Telling in North America, I Really Am Not a Wizard

Following my last novel, a ten-thousand-character hit, The Priest in North America: The Deity Is Actually Me, here’s another North American tale:

Chen Yaozu was supposed to be dead, but to stay alive, he stole someone else’s fate and fled to North America, where he became a fortune-teller. Somehow, people always treat him like a shaman.

Someone asks Chen Yaozu, “If you were an ordinary person abroad and came across a ghost, what would you do?”

Chen Yaozu answers, “Obviously, I’d curse at it, threaten it, and scare it off.”

The person asks again, “But it can’t understand you!”

Chen Yaozu rolls his eyes. “Then I’d curse at it, threaten it, and scare it off in a language it understands!”

…

The Twenty-Fifth Patriarch has opened a branch in Los Angeles. The four million people who can barely afford to rent a house in America, along with the 700,000 homeless, will be his potential clients.

The heavens are dead, the Yellow Heaven shall rise; the year is Jiachen...