You Call Me Basketball Jiahao? You Want an Elbow to the Face?

After transmigrating onto the NCAA court, Lu Ming unexpectedly binds himself to the utterly absurd “Jiahao System.”

There are no guaranteed-shot super moves here, only skills that are awkward and downright bizarre.

The more socially mortifying his moves on the court, the more “swagger points” he earns, which he can trade in the System shop for various templates and permanent physical attributes!

Right in front of Curry, he pulls out the “wide-legged push shot” to hit a game-winning buzzer beater, shattering every elementary schooler’s understanding of shooting.

He activates the “Overlord’s Stride,” takes six steps to the basket, and bowls the bruiser Draymond Green clean over the baseline, even drawing a defensive foul! Green’s mental state is shot.

He steals popcorn from the crowd to replenish his stamina, blows a kiss to the opposing coach to boost his speed, and even leaves his Thunder teammate Durant speechless: “Lu Ming’s game is an eyesore, but the Scarlett Johansson-style bathwater he gave me before the game? That stuff is the real deal.”

Facing a wave of online abuse from haters across the internet, Lu Ming solemnly shifts all the blame in an interview: “What do you know? This is the art of achieving the greatest effect with the simplest means. I’m paying tribute to my idol, LeBron!”

Basketball fans everywhere lose it: “You call that six-step layup and hands-on-hips, no-look defense a tribute? You’re clearly the ultimate LeBron hater!”