Selling Anxiety in the Song Dynasty

I sell anxiety to young people, and they call me a guiding light in life.

I sell anxiety to wealthy women, and they think I'm a better friend to women than Liu Yong, someone who understands them even better.

I sell anxiety to officials, and they think I'm a man of foresight.

I sell anxiety to emperors, and they call me a benevolent patriot who worries for the country and its people, a fearless remonstrator, and a wise man.

Truthfully, at first I only wanted to stir up some anxiety so I could make a little profit.

I just never expected that, in the process of selling anxiety, I would become the richest man in the Great Song, a pioneering poet of the Great Song, the guardian of the Great Song dynasty, the closest ally of Emperor Shenzong of Song, Zhao Xu, the savior of Su Shi, the rescuer of Wang Anshi, and the destroyer most feared by the nobles of Liao...

What I really want to say is, I'm not singling anyone out. Every one of you here is a sucker!