Same Hatred

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The deepest impression is that I was very tired of watching it. I kept writing half-written articles, abusing idioms, and piecing together ancient styles, which made people dumbfounded. The second point is that the scenes and plots change very abruptly and make people feel overwhelmed. The narrative angle changes again and again, and there is no foreshadowing or transition between switches. Surprisingly, the plot is reasonable. It revolves around the key prop "Mark of the Ancestral Dragon" and has a main line. The appearance of the male and female protagonists and the appearance of the villain give people the feeling of an outline. Suggestions: 1. Avoid your own weaknesses and use ordinary, smooth and concise vernacular to tell the whole story. There is no need to pile up classical Chinese to deliberately emphasize ancient times. 2. Choose a good narrative angle. When changing scenes, plots, and narrators, think from the reader's perspective. Don't think of anything rigid and write it down. There must be a cause-and-effect relationship between the stories. 3. The title of the book comes from "Qin Feng Wu Yi", but it is too literary and unattractive to general readers, and the relationship with the theme of the novel is also a bit far-fetched. 4. Who is "Qin Yuan" in the introduction? The protagonist "Qinguanshan"? Take Chapter 1 as an example: scene switching a. A knight... An old vegetable seller... A group of imperial guards... In the first few hundred words, the perspective changes three times. The reader is not the author. The author, as God, knows the whole story. The reader's observation angle must be fixed. There must be a causal transition between the knight doing something and the perspective changing to the old vegetable seller. B......."Da Sima, there is news."...... Fifteen miles north of Gui County...... At the end of one scene, if you want to jump directly to another scene, it is best to add a dividing line between them. C.… Reported to the capital as a vision. ... In this town of Gui County The same scene, the transformation of different stories, it is best to have a cause and effect relationship word choice a. The old vegetable seller... ... Must not punish ... The same sentence describes the same character, with the third person in the front and the first person in the back; the "I" in the back is best changed to "self" This sudden change is similar to the change in the above scene, and there is no fixed narrative angle. B. A group of imperial guards... Quickly lowered 's head... This sentence talks to the reader from the author's perspective. If "noble" is deleted, the reader can also appreciate the irony. C. Xi Fan glanced at Wang Mang meaningfully... What stands out from the front is that he is an incredible villain, but the description behind him in such a tone makes people dumbfounded. D. "The most recent Ancestral Dragon Seal was born... I... Among them Qingwuzi ... and the First Emperor... The First Emperor thought of Qingwuzi's face and let me go. At that time, ... Used ... I sincerely admired him." A long section of "Xi Fan"'s expression is very representative, constantly switching between "I" and "Old Man", coupled with the deliberate contrast between the piling up of phrases such as "immortal age", "hundred-year-old body" and the vulgar "old and immortal": it is impossible for a modern person or an ancient person to speak like this. E. In this Gui County city, there are two orphans without father and mother... Or ... Orphans naturally have "no father and no mother" and can be deleted. The usage of "wandering" is inappropriate because it has no subject. It is preceded by the adverbial "in...", Not a noun; "stealing people, chickens and dogs" is not a classical Chinese language, not a vernacular, and is created by the author. F. I saw not far away,... the "ancestral dragon mark" that has been famous throughout the ages. Of course the author knows what this is, but when an affirmative tone suddenly appears in the normal expression, the reader is confused. G. A meteorite fell... This object is like a piece of ink stone, but it is strangely black... "Ink stone" is naturally black. If you want to express the specialness of key props, this is not the way to use it. In addition, there are two usages that appear multiple times: a. Cough, cough..., opened his eyes and coughed violently... saw his companion waking up, and turned around... "That person" is used many times to refer to multiple people, making it difficult for readers to tell who is who. B...."... At the beginning of the scene, use "at this moment" and "at this time" habitually, and just delete them The above are just examples. There are countless similar situations in the article, all of which were listed before.