Heroes of Might and Magic in an Online Game

Putting aside the content, just look at the layout and paragraph length—this doesn't feel like an "online game novel." The paragraphs are too long, making it look like walls. Equipment/attribute/unit descriptions should use line breaks; you've put them all on one line. It lacks the feel of an online game. Take a look at the second screenshot and see how your competitors do it.

This is the most tragic book I've ever seen.