Waiting for Nightfall

When he was seventeen years old, Feng Yiwei was dragged out of the house by his mother and jumped into a river. She's not dead. She became another person, lived in another rental house, and wrote novels under another name. She kills herself repeatedly in the novel - jumping into a river, getting into a car accident, starving to death. Every protagonist is just like her, good at living and even better at not wanting to live. Later, someone found her and said they would take her away. She refused. Then someone died for her. She owed her life and had to go back. On the day she returned, she stood on the bridge where she jumped into the river. Someone behind her was holding a bowl of hot rice and calling her name. She finally turned around.