Something's Wrong with These Heroes

My name is Ezreal and I am an explorer. I traveled through time, my magic was gone, and I was wanted across the continent as an "extraterrestrial demon." But that's nothing. What really makes me collapse is—— That madman Jinx is here too. The first thing she did when she landed was to blow up the local noble's castle into the sky, and then she said to me with a smile: "The fireworks here are great!" Yasuo is here too. The first thing he did when he landed was to chop up a system panel and said, "What a boring trick." Then he asked me where I could find a tavern. Riven is here too. The first thing she did when she landed was to rescue a group of demi-human children, and then they were surrounded by a mercenary group. Then she knocked all the mercenaries unconscious, and then she distributed potato chips to the children. Yes, potato chips. I don't know where she got it from. Now, the church of this world wants to kill us, the void creatures want to eat us, and our only golden finger is—— The more famous you are, the stronger you are. So Jinx is responsible for explosions (increasing popularity), Yasuo is responsible for being cool (increasing mystique), Riven is responsible for fighting (increasing combat power), and I—— I am responsible for writing drafts for these people. "The Wall Breakers Alliance makes a shocking attack today!" "Exclusive interview with Gale Swordsman: About me killing a thousand people." "Jinx, Queen of Explosions: Art is Patrick Star!" Don't ask me why I'm still alive. Just ask—— Everything is wrong with this group of heroes.