Asking for the Heavenly Path

This is the most touching opening I've seen in a while. Let me talk about what I saw in the first chapter: The boy was hunting, and a sudden change occurred. Advantages: 1. Smooth writing. Except for the slow, slow opening of the chapter, and the many times in the middle, that is, and that is not. The overall writing is very smooth and there is no sense of hesitation when reading. 2. The picture description is very textured. Disadvantages (personal opinion): 1. Procrastination. In the whole page, you only talked about two things, hunting and mutation. The number of words in your first chapter was up to standard, but you abandoned the plot advancement for the sake of the quality of the text. 2. Picture stacking. The afterglow of the sunset, the mountains, the boy, the prey, the bow, you have described almost everything that appears in your pictures. Describing it for the first time, I feel it has texture. The second time, it was not bad either. The third time, what is this written for? The fourth time, hydrology. 3. Split at the end Hunting and mutation, there is no problem in taking them out separately. But put together they are severely fragmented. There was no foreshadowing for the change, at least I didn't feel it after watching it. Where did you get the tattoo? Without a place of origin, emotions have no place to land. 4. Three Golden Chapters Conflict, the hunting you wrote barely counts as a conflict, but it was resolved quickly, and the conflict ended without any aftertaste. Suspense, mutation is suspense, but it is seriously separated from hunting. The hook is very soft and consistent with suspense. Your opening hook is emotional and concluding. Shocked, it woke up. Instead, run! The old man pulled the young man and backed away, and the mountains in the distance trembled more violently. Personally, I feel that with action hooks + emotions, the desire to read will be stronger. 5. Four opening questions Who is he? It's almost as if it's not written. Where is he? It's almost as if it's not written. What is he going to do? It's almost as if it's not written. Why did he do this? (Why him?) Because he has a birthmark. It's almost as if it's not written. Summary: The article is of high quality and I would like to give it a good review. There are still many shortcomings, come on. Above.

To be honest, it's not as good-looking as version 1.0. I know the general plot, so I won't go into the plot. Let me first talk about why it is not as good as 1.0. In 1.0, You wrote at least a complete hunting. 2.0 Has become an explanatory text. The hunting at the beginning became a cover. Although it was originally a cover, now you are equivalent to taking away the cover directly. Introduce the people in the village, introduce the training, and introduce his parents. Purely descriptive text. Give me some modification suggestions (purely personal opinion): The first chapter is about one thing - hunting. The hunting process should be attractive enough. Occasionally bring out a word or two about people in the village. Don't say much, just stop there. In the middle, there was a sentence about the birthmark being hot, which caused the bowstring to deflect. He followed for a long time before catching up, and this time he hit the target with one shot. Bring the prey back to the village. Now write about the attitude of the villagers. Just write one or two sentences. Then an old man asked: "Where did you get this good thing?" The protagonist replied, it's the mountain behind. The atmosphere around was tense. The old woman threw something in her hand and slapped her hard, scolding her at the same time. Who told you to go to the back mountain! (You said they wanted to stop it, so there needs to be a description of the process?) Then at night he covered his buttocks, and several old people persuaded him not to go to the back mountain. After the first chapter, let him go to the second chapter and take a look. The child is curious. Then cause changes. Personal opinion.

Finished reading the first three chapters Chapter 1: Who am I? Didn't make it clear. There are too many scene descriptions and dead hooks. Chapter 2: A conflict was forced, and the fight was incomprehensible? Is the person coming here "Long Aotian"? Chapter 3: Remember to change the AI ​​after polishing it! The hook at the end seems to be a hook just for the sake of hooking. The dialogue is a bit confusing, the logic needs to be adjusted. The overall world view is good, but it needs to be changed.