Irregular Soul Master

It's a mess, I want to do a lot, but I don't have enough ability. Let me talk about what I saw in the first chapter: The protagonist traveled through time and participated in an inexplicable ceremony, and then succeeded, and the officers and soldiers came. End. Advantages: There is a setting, a world view, and a desire for expression. Disadvantages (Purely personal opinion): 1. Sense of substitution If a novel wants to retain readers, the best way is to let readers integrate into the plot of the novel, which is what we call a sense of substitution. There are six types of immersion: emotions, senses, plot, desire, characters, and realistic resonance. Which one do you think you belong to? Personally, I think the easiest way for newcomers is to limit the perspective, allowing readers to share their senses with the characters, and create a sense of immersion in turn. Your first chapter, the perspective is very confusing, the protagonist's perspective → the protagonist's heart → the old man's perspective → the old man's heart → the protagonist's senses → the protagonist's perspective, there seems to be other perspectives, I will mark them in the text for you later. The overall feeling is very messy, a simple thing makes it very complicated for you to write. It is difficult to generate an emotional anchor and cannot be substituted. 2. Sense of Relaxation It can feel that you want to create a relaxed atmosphere, although you have not succeeded. The way you created it was very stiff, like you were scratching the surface. It's not that you can't write like that, but the way you write requires readers to be on the same page as the protagonist, otherwise they won't find it funny and will just feel stiff. Especially the self-deprecation you made at the beginning. If readers are familiar with you, if you are a great writer, it will be a very interesting joke. Otherwise... It would be awkward. 3. Taste it briefly You wrote half of many things in the first chapter and then stopped and left. You write about the protagonist's initial senses and the protagonist's words. Halfway through, you cut away. A God's perspective. Writing about the old man's words, I wrote half of it, and then cut it out to focus on the protagonist's feelings. I wrote about the protagonist's feelings. Halfway through, I didn't say anything about the ugly Yin Mao. I left it and left it until the protagonist opened his eyes. Writing about officers and soldiers, half of it was written out of chapters. I know you want to write a hook, but I'm sorry, your hook didn't produce the effect it should have. Just hook for the sake of hook. The officers and soldiers appeared without any foreshadowing. 4. Three Golden Chapters Conflict. Although there is, it feels like there is not. Suspense. Several, what happened to the protagonist? Who is the old man? What are the officers and soldiers going to do? Where is this? What happened? What's next? Too many make each one seem unimportant. Hook. It was too blunt, and there was no preparation for the sudden gunshot. 5. Four opening questions. Who is he? I didn't write it clearly. Where is he? I didn't write it clearly. What is he going to do? Don't write clearly? Why do this? (Why him?) I didn't write it clearly. Summary: There is no world view, no characters, thin plot, and confusing perspective. What do you want readers to see? Above.

Really? I think the world view is still okay, but many things are not explained clearly.