Informal Human Observation Report

My name is Lin Xiaoyang, and my goal in life was to feed a pot of pothos. It wasn't until my new tenant moved in that things started going wrong. ——Carefully record the number of times I sigh every day ——Analyze the optimal arc of potato chips ——Also wrote "Grand Prize for Human Confused Behavior" in the notebook. I thought she was just a weirdo, until I saw starlight oozing from her fingertips, and the pothos blooming on the balcony overnight. "I am an alien student, and you are my research sample." I accepted it—after all, the rent was on time and she could fix the router. … But her report became more and more crooked: "The sample has arrhythmia and is suspected to be dependent on the researcher (note: it may be related to the milk tea shared yesterday)." "Abnormal energy resonance detected, a deep scan is recommended (Additional: He smiled three times today, the data may be contaminated)." … That's not the point, because to make matters worse, other "foreign students" started coming. There are collectors who want to make me a specimen, and there are mentors who want me to be a hero in a fantasy world. She blocked me behind her, and the research report read: "Today it was discovered that the human sample is worth protecting - even if he can't tell the difference between alien minerals and decorative tiles." … Now, while teaching her "Why humans need weekends", I am also learning "Guidelines for self-rescue when targeted by interstellar forces."