After School, I Walked on the Corridor Leading to the Rooftop

It feels a bit like dark history. It felt fine when I was writing it, but after I finished it, I felt that there were some things that were not so good.

Overall evaluation: 1 The problem at the beginning is quite big. The long first-person psychological description is supposed to attract readers, but this article is used to describe the campus environment and inner thoughts that are not important 2. The paragraphing problem requires further refinement of the segmentation and wording between sentences to improve the reading experience 3 The description of emotions is still very good, and the heroine's depression and her own psychology are well presented, and it is reversed and exploded in a way of promoting desire first and suppressing it. 4 As a practicing work, there is no big problem. The emotions that should be displayed are shown, and the characterization of the characters is also good ps: The following are personal words, the author does not have to worry about it Part of the heroine's psychology is like the Messiah complex in psychology Strong desire to save: The desire to find satisfaction and the meaning of life by saving others Put your own Releasing kindness is like longing in the heart for others to show kindness when they meet them, as if they are liberating themselves in the process of saving others The character of the heroine is displayed very well Through the dialogue while eating Malatang, it can be seen that she has a deep understanding of the idea of ​​suicide. She first makes him eat Malatang, and then makes an agreement with him, which can directly stabilize him temporarily. Showing the heroine's heart from the side (To be honest, I have long been used to this kind of writing. The heroine is a person who has experienced it - being bullied, pressure from family, pressure from society. When I saw the male protagonist committing suicide, I originally wanted to save him, but in the process I discovered "It turns out that he doesn't need me at all" "He lives a beautiful life, but my life is painful" Its gravity, its distortion The emotion is very sincere, but I have seen it too often, and it is too typical. In other words, the focus of short stories is of course emotion, but homogeneous emotions are difficult for people who have a lot of criticism. I even think that this is really harmful to the male protagonist. What did he do wrong, but he accidentally gained a good friend? A good friend said that she was jealous of me and even committed suicide because of it? And the point of the outbreak was not handled well enough. In my opinion, there should be a tainted plot (did the author hesitate to add it), so that the heroine would deepen her thoughts of suicide and more reasonably hate the hero who failed to help her at that time (in fact, it was not Reasonable, but reasonable) When the heroine committed suicide, I actually felt that the blow she suffered was not big enough. After all, she was not substantially harmed. The misunderstanding from the family had already existed, and the depression in life should have been lighter before the confrontation with the hero (you don't understand me at all. Jpg) than before meeting the hero, so it was still a bit abrupt. If it can be written sweetly when the male protagonist thinks it is a love affair, the more twisted and deeper it will be when it explodes later🥰 (Love is like a ray of light in a painful life, but the hatred of being tarnished and not being saved in a crisis will not only extinguish your light, but also beat you) This is the twist I want to see🙃🙃🙃 )