Who Says This Martial God Is Crazy? She Has the Sweetest Mouth

[A hilarious, roast-filled romp. If you don’t laugh, feel free to flame it.]

[In a dangerous world of superhuman martial arts, what would you do if you could grow stronger by extracting emotional energy from others?]

Staring at the prompt before him, Lü Ming exclaimed with delight, “Then I’d better start speaking my mind right away!”

Scene One.

His old buddy: “This is the year I have the best chance yet. Your boy Teng is definitely heading for Jiangnan Martial Arts University!”

Lü Ming: “But, Teng, this is already your sixth ‘best chance yet.’ Every year you aim for Jiangnan, and every year your sword breaks. Before the college entrance exam, you make grand promises. During the exam, you talk nonsense. Afterward, you fall silent. Is your sword really still intact?”

[Negative emotional energy +10 from Wang Teng!]

Scene Two.

During a solo match in a virtual universe, Lü Ming knocks out a rich second-generation martial artist with one punch. His opponent refuses to accept defeat and demands a rematch.

Lü Ming: “Anyone I’ve beaten doesn’t even qualify as my opponent. I’ll give you time to catch up, until you can’t even see me in the distance!”

[Negative emotional energy +1086 from the onlookers!]

A gossiping netizen: “What a show-off!”

The martial arts heir is so furious that he spits blood, but in the middle of the night he wakes from a dream: “Seriously, how can he be so shamelessly cocky?”

Scene Three.

A reporter is interviewing new students outside the martial arts university when she stops Lü Ming.

“Excuse me, at eighteen, your classmates are being driven to and from school in luxury cars. Why are you still riding a shared bike?”

Lü Ming: “How old are you?”

The reporter: “Twenty-eight.”

“At twenty-eight, some people weigh less than two pounds, ashes and all. Why haven’t you been cremated yet?”

The reporter: “…”