My Cultivation Narrator Is Way Too Schizophrenic

Su Yan has a running commentary during his cultivation, but it isn't quite right in the head.

It's like getting a foot massage: you never know what technique is coming next.

Scene: A spring day, rain falling, an encounter with a fairy.

[It's spring, when all things are sown, and you're the only one lazing around... Your heart pounds like a wild beast, and at last you can't hold back. You ruthlessly pluck the flower...]

A moment later.

[A skirt made from Linglong Workshop's fabric, light boots embroidered with colored silk clouds, a golden phoenix candle immortal hairpin, dew-drop earrings, a dragon-scale necklace, a pair of top-grade Yin-Yang bracelets, and a spacious storage bag among your magical treasures... You think, what a wealthy fairy. Asking for a little compensation after getting bumped into isn't unreasonable.]

“Could you shut up already? This is my martial aunt!”

Rain pours from the sky, soaking the hem of her clothes.

[How dare the heavens soak your newly tailored clothes? If you don't blow up the sky, are you saving it for New Year's?]

Many years later.

As Su Yan reflects on life's joys and sorrows, he realizes that while pulling back the dark veil over the world, he has also exposed the scars of his own past.

And so he bears witness to all living beings, throws the world into chaos, breaks the blade of the Peacekeeping Bureau, claims the Dao-fruit of the Immortal Dynasty, tramples the throne of kings, and shatters the elixir ingredients of immortality scattered across the mortal world...

The headline on the front page of the Immortal Dynasty Gazette: “Su Yan Has Gone Mad.”