The Divine Machine of Konoha

There is a problem with the plot arrangement, the characters were not written well at the beginning and the plot fell apart. Capricious, bully the weak and fear the strong, and the inferior will overcome the superior. Villains don't look like villains, and decent guys don't look like decent guys. Shuangwen is not like Shuangwen. Eunuch, please re-open a book.

It's written as if the protagonist has a lot of brains, but nothing he does is thought through.

The plot arrangement is unreasonable. During the war, you are called the commander, and you are neither humble nor arrogant. You can summon a ten-meter-long snake with an inexplicable amount of chakra. The root makes inexplicable redundant movements, and then it inexplicably wants to kill the protagonist. What the hell, the conflict is too deliberate, don't engage in that kind of pretentious slap-in-the-face plot from the retro period. After reading a few chapters, there are so many flaws, the author still has to work hard.

If you want to be a villain, then be a villain. If you want to survive, then survive. Why did you suddenly go to a duel with Kyuubi and save Minato? Is there any benefit? I stopped watching it after I went to challenge Kyuubi. Maybe there is no comment. Haha

He's completely like an idiot. With Orochimaru, you just moved Orochimaru out. Why do you have to force yourself to face Danzo? He has no strength and loves to show off.

Well, two words of evaluation, rubbish

Shen Ji Bai Lian, you didn't write his character at all, man,

Man-machine integration

It's outrageous. At the beginning, only fifteen people were transporting supplies, but Suna Ninja dispatched more than two hundred ninjas. The original article said that more than 180 people were killed, and some of them escaped into the mountains. Are you planning to fight a dozen against one? Two hundred people, in the case of a sneak attack, each with one ninjutsu, I don't believe that fifteen of the protagonists can survive. Only the captain knows the outcome of the mission to send someone to death. The outrageous Aburame Jounin also said that you, the transportation captain, took it all and know what the outcome will be. But he wanted to die, so did the unknowing transport team members want to die? Also, since everyone is surrounding the protagonist, even if he is suddenly attacked by ten thousand snakes, how can the protagonist survive? Ten thousand snakes can't tell the difference between friend and foe, and in an encirclement, I don't believe that there are 200 people without a jounin to lead the team. Can't the protagonist be replaced before death? The most important thing is that the scroll explodes, and the protagonist must be within the range. Also, I want to know if there is not a sentient ninja among these two hundred people? I was hit with bread and there was no reaction at all. The commander of the opposite side, Orochimaru, must have arrived as well. The leader of the Suna ninja team did not think about how to withdraw first, but first talked about it and thanked the opposite side for the supplies. The most outrageous thing is that the author An said that those who died were all elite puppet troops. I was confused. I didn't just grab supplies and then rob my family.

This idea is indeed very good, but the author's writing skills are not strong enough, and he cannot quite grasp the characters in the original work. The secondary creation is too superficial and taken for granted, and the dialogue of the characters is too thin, but a small amount of thought is devoted to ambiguity.

Brother, you don't even understand your logic. How did you write a book? Doesn't it look awkward to you? Is this how you write novels? Although what you write is a novel, shouldn't you write it according to the thinking of normal people in reality? What the hell are you writing about? I'm really convinced now. Alas, the author is really bad now.

To be honest, things under one person cannot be used in the world of Naruto. Several of the Eight Magic Skills are useless, and 80% of the Tongtian Lun is useless. The reason is that talisman and other things need a big boss to stand up, and you can borrow power. The talisman is equivalent to what you write to the big boss. A distress letter, both hands should be able to be used. It is estimated that the Ju Ling Sen will have no effect. It may only be a special attack on the reincarnation of the dirty land, but it is not necessarily. After all, the Ju Ling Sen will be able to deal with ghosts that use Qi, but it may not be able to deal with those that use Chakra. Qi Tigenryu estimates It's useless. After all, it's a technique aimed at Qi. It can be used with great skill, but Ma Xianhong's performance in the anime is probably too bad. It's hard to say about Fenghouqimen. It's not sure whether there are interior scenes in Naruto. Let's compare Naruto's worldview with one person. It's probably too much. The aliens are still cowardly with guns and missiles. Naruto already has star-destroying combat power. For example, the Golden Wheel Reincarnation Explosion, the Infinite Tsukuyomi can clear the surface of the earth, and the Sky-Hindering Earthquake Star. Can all the characters in Under One Person combined be able to catch two meteorites in a row? It's probably pretty high, unless someone with a background like Immortal takes action, but based on Lao Tianshi's combat performance, Immortal is probably pretty weak.

This book is destined to hit the streets, there are many unreasonable things, Bai Sandai,

The ideas are good, but the writing is not good, the characterization is not good either, and the plot looks dry and messy.

Since Pig's Knuckle is following Orochimaru, why not help him become Hokage?

The idea is good, but the writing is a bit poor, and the character of the protagonist is also problematic.

The protagonist should have betrayed Konoha a long time ago. He has no sense of belonging and is still a disciple of Orochimaru.

Emmm The upper limit of Shen Ji Bai Lian is a bit low in Naruto. There are no good materials and no good blueprints. I remember that the characteristics of Shen Ji Bai Lian are to speed up the refining speed and to imitate human body refining. There is a high probability that it will be super high in the end of Naruto. Why not write about both hands? Red hands treat and study blood stains, blue hands brainwash and steal ninjutsu. The higher the upper limit, the more you can write.

The poisonous genin provoked Orochimaru, the chuunin strength offended Danzo to death, and by the way offended the third generation. You just rebelled against the whole village, and they let you go. Who do you think you are, an orphan with no background at all, talking about changing the tragedy, changing this, changing that, pure bullshit, just for self-pleasure.

The deviation of the power system is the most taboo in fan fiction. I have never seen a book about Guan Gong Zhan Qin Qiong that became popular.

Come on, author, you wrote well.

No decision yet? There are many beauties in the Naruto world, and readers should hope for more female protagonists.

This name is very embarrassing. Why don't you come up with a better name?

In fact, professions such as the weapon refiner do not necessarily have to be powerful and violent. They can be weird, versatile, and have various small artifacts that emerge in an endless stream. It is like a divine machine. Although it is very good in the original work, after it is converted into bloodstains, you can show the list of abilities and effects you have after the transformation at the beginning, and then strengthen it in addition For example, it can observe the infinite Formed objects and captured, etc. For example, on the night of the Uchiha genocide, collect the resentment of the Uchiha, the lost pupil power, and other things. In the world of Naruto, forging tools can completely make special materials into special things like human puppets, sand shadow puppets, the decapitating sword that houses Zabuza's soul, or special props with emotional power such as the Six Paths Noble Phantasm. Think about it, Shiro is killing people with a sword that holds Zabuza's soul 🙂

To be honest, I haven't read a single chapter, but I think that doesn't stop me from giving my opinion. Personally, I don't really like second-generation fan fiction, because it will always remind readers of the plot and shadow of the original work, unless you can perfectly integrate into it, but at this time there will definitely be a master to guide the country. Also, the number of words is too few, or you may just be practicing your writing skills. I think the audience for this kind of subject matter is definitely not mainstream, so I would like to make a suggestion to write original works, write your own stories and your own style. I also wrote some short stories (original) when I was a child. I always feel a sense of accomplishment at this time. To sum up, it is: 1 Original work, do not apply or transfer it 2 Own style 3 Don't have too few words, as this will make the story seem not deep, and the time spent in conceiving a new work will not be wasted (most people who like a work definitely don't want it to end hastily) 4 Write carefully and observe the preferences and tastes of current readers. At the same time, look at the advantages of other platinum writers... (The following is omitting the 10,000-word learning method for high school students. That is to say, this thing is really useful) 5 To practice pen writing, you can also write this kind of second creation first to practice your grasp of the writing rhythm 6 7 8 9 1 0 I can't think of the rest for the time being and will talk about it later.

After reading 150 chapters, I felt something was wrong. There was something wrong with the rhythm. I wanted to keep an eye on it. Sure enough, I burped after less than 300 chapters. Halfway through, I felt like other brain-dead comprehension streams. When I started to learn proficiency, it was full immediately. I just filled up the progress bar or level... This way, I can directly measure the fullness. I just need to wear a ring on my toe. I have gathered ten ring. I didn't even plan the number and level of enchantment. One ring has several S and it consumes -%99, right? If you want to pee far, you still need to develop and study it. It feels like you just get away with it.

Can you answer the previous question?