Proof of Impermanence

When I first read it, I felt like a novel by Gu Long. The characters are described in light strokes and the details reflect their particularity. The writing style has a sense of layering that gradually unfolds. It can be seen that the author's literary accomplishment and even the excessive and coherent literary and military rhetoric in the text can be seen. I would like to make some suggestions. One is that there are too many flat drawing settings, especially stacked in the first few pictures. The excessive world setting descriptions in the first chapter seem a bit lengthy, and I can feel that you want to show your world view to the readers immediately. It is better to show the world view from the perspective of the characters and follow the plot, so that it will not appear that the main characters in the previous few pictures are not outstanding. Except for the "special", blindfolded, and blind way you set it up, readers will only think that your literary talent is fine, but the story is a bit boring. After all, reading a novel is still about storytelling. When I read the third chapter, I actually didn't feel much about the special character of the protagonist in terms of the plot. The world view in the article was just too many white descriptions that were divorced from the plot, which made it feel very fragmented. It's just like playing a game while reading the manual, and if you read the manual first, the game may not have moved a few steps in the first step. Simply put, you unconsciously over-describe some world settings. You can add descriptions during the plot advancement process, such as explaining it through the mouth of the characters, which will make it more immersive and natural, rather than a narrative setting explanation. It will appear that the proportion of the characters is too small and there will be no characteristics, and the plot advancement will appear slow and there will be no motivation to watch. It lacks a clear sense of plot conflict and character traits. Maybe it's because the article has lost some of its flavor.

Here you go, treasure🤭

Build a criticism building and let people express their opinions as much as they want, although I don't know if anyone will come~🪖

A good-looking Platinum asset

After the revision, I feel much better when reading. There is no problem. It is much more compact than before. Keep reading.

Punch a card and finish chasing 😎

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