Fat House Pirate and Mermaid Girl

This introduction. . . You persuaded me to give up, Ace went to the execution platform, it means that either the protagonist is a native, or a very rubbish time traveler 😅 It is best to change it to the battlefield or other places.

It's well written, has rich characters, and is wearable, which is already amazing. Disadvantage 1: The transition between events is indeed a bit stiff. Improvement method: I can't help you, because I can do it better than you. Disadvantage 2: A lot of position analysis, which is to say a few words from this person's position, a few words from that person's position, and go back and forth. There is no context. Improvement method: Stand in a neutral position and describe more of the development of the situation. For example: Moria wants to fight Kaido. Why fight Kaido? Because Kaido discovered from something that Moria was powerful, he occupied an island in Moria and let Moria know. Moria hesitated at this time. Should he fight Kaido? Let's make some arrangements first. At this time, Kaido occupied another island in Moria, confirming Moria's suspicion, and Moria went to fight Kaido. Add more details in the middle, expand it, and don't be too wordy. Try to use as few stances or mental descriptions as possible, and use events instead. Personally, I just think this is better.

So this article is Moonlight Moria in the parallel world

It would be better for the author to change his name. I had no desire to click in at first. It would be much better to change his name. Also, the transition is rather stiff.

Warmth with a little dream, rekindled in the brokenness

This made me feel a little uncomfortable. As soon as I got to the highlight of one thing, I turned around and talked about another thing. By the time I came back to talk about the last thing, a few days had passed.

It's quite interesting, come on 😄

The subject matter is very special. Good luck to the author.

How should I put it? The idea is very good, but the writing style is immature. Please write more and practice more.

The connection between plots is a bit stiff