Found an Old Man

What is an introduction? There is no such thing. Are you OK? What can I do? There is an old man who depends on me. He eats and drinks at my house and cannot be driven away. He also said that he would teach me to cultivate immortality. And give me a big baby, philosophy?! Can't stand it, can't stand it. (This book is meant to be lighthearted and entertaining, so just read it and it will be fine.)